


To Wish Upon A Star

by PurplePlumPie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Creature Fic, Creature Harry Potter, Creature Inheritance, Depressing, M/M, Male Slash, Multi, Original Character(s), Slash, Slow Build, Slow Burn, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePlumPie/pseuds/PurplePlumPie
Summary: Harry Potter always thought he knew who he was. This changed on his sixteens birthday when he came into a creature inheritance. Suddenly he looks different and there is another side in him he doesn’t understand. He has to fight with the aftermath of Sirius’ death, depression and these weird people claiming to know what is best for him. Slow built-up/ Dark themes/ Slash/ Harry-Multi





	1. The Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,  
I am working on this story for a while now and thought it was time to put it to the test. 
> 
> Just a warning: English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta. I am sorry for any mistakes you might find  
Another warning: It is my first try at Romance
> 
> I am now searching for a beta, if you are intrested, please write me :)

**Harry Potter - To Wish Upon A Star**

** Chapter 1 **

_Sometimes only breathing isn’t enough. You try to suck air into your lungs, they inflate but you still feel like you are suffocating. It doesn’t matter how much you breathe in; the feeling is always there. When you try to exhale, you can’t. You only get to squeeze out a small amount before you try again to take in as much air as possible. And then you think about what little sense is makes. You feel guilty, ashamed, angry with yourself._

_Sometimes you hurt even though physically you are fine. There is no scratch on you but there is this hole burning in your chest. It pushes tears into your eyes and you try to swallow the sobs. You hug yourself to keep yourself together, to not fall into parts. You feel guilty, ashamed, angry with yourself._

_Sometimes you smile, you laugh, sometimes you even mean it. Then, suddenly you think what little sense it makes. You are reminded by the burning hole in your chest, you are reminded that you are slowly suffocating and falling part. The smile lessens, the laughter grows quiet and you are alone with yourself again. Silence consumes you. It is a blessing, swallowing you whole. You feel guilty, ashamed, angry with yourself._

_Sometimes you wish you had a reason to feel like this. Sometimes you wished something had happened to cause all this because then there is a reason. A cause, a problem, something to be solved. But in reality, it is just you, you alone with yourself. When you want to curl up under your bed, hide and be never seen again, when you cry for no apparent reason, when you feel numb and just don’t care anymore, when you clench your fist and want to beat into something, maybe yourself, you feel guilty, ashamed, angry with yourself._

* * *

The day had started like every other day. He had gotten up, made breakfast and hoped that Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were in a good mood. Dudley had eaten his breakfast like a pig, spilling food and crumbs everywhere for him to clean up. Vernon had gone to work after finishing reading the news paper and telling him to behave or else. Aunt Petunia had given him a list of chores to complete. Gardening even though the sun was burning high on the sky. Swiping the floors, dusting the whole house, cleaning the bathrooms and bringing Dudley’s room into order. For lunch he had eaten a sandwich and an apple, his first meal of the day. In the evening he had made dinner. He had made steak and some vegetables. All had gone well. Aunt Petunia had told him that he was worthless and a freak which was technically true, Uncle Vernon had told him that he was a waste of air which was also technically true. The steak was too dry. Harry had been sure that he had left it in the pan not too long. Dudley had said is was like eating the sole of a shoe. He had gotten a slap left and right for it from Vernon. No supper for him. He went to bed hungry, feeling angry and empty. It had been a relatively normal day. A day like everyone else.

Harry stayed awake till midnight. He did always on the night before his birthdays. It gave him much time to think. To think about the past year and what he wished for, for the coming one.

Sirius alive, a family, not feeling empty, not feeling like a failure, Sirius alive, someone who cared for him, not suffocating, Sirius alive, someone to look out for him, not always feeling guilty, Sirius alive, someone he could truly trust, not drowning, Sirius alive, someone who saw him like he was, not being numb, Sirius alive, someone who could help him, feeling alive.

It wasn’t always easy to pretend. Hermione and Ron believed him; last time he saw Dumbledore he trashed his office. He felt guilty for it, embarrassed. Rage has washed over him and he just gave in. He destroyed everything in his surroundings, relieving himself of the anger which had been there for a long long time.

Sometimes Harry believed himself. He believed himself to be this brave boy who had faced off against Voldemort many times. He believed himself to be this curious boy who went into the chamber of secrets and faced off against a century old Basilisk. He believed himself to be the Quidditch loving boy who caught the snitch almost every time. He believed it. When he laid in bed late at night, when the darkness tripped away all the lies, he holds back the tears. He was a lair, a good one. He was an intruder. He was a pretender. He was alone with himself. His friends were friends with a puppet whose strings he pulled. They painted the mask he created.

Don’t get this wrong, Harry didn’t always feel like this. In moments, he forgets his emptiness and laughs with his friends. He forgets that he is just pretending and the master becomes the puppet itself and feels happy. He likes Hermione and Ron, they have their flaws but everybody had them, right? He was their friend, sometimes he doesn’t even have to pretend. Sometimes he did only worry about the next homework due. But- when he thought about it too long, when there was no distraction, when he is left alone with his thoughts, the numbness returns. The doubts, the guilt, the embarrassment, the anger.

Now, living at the Dursleys it was easier and harder at the same time. It was easier because there were no expectations. He didn’t have to pretend; he just needed to follow their rules and do his chores. Mostly he was left alone, true when he made a mistake, he was slapped here and there but he deserved it. He made a mistake that had to be punished. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon told him who he really was. They saw the real him, they saw who he was. He was a freak, a waste of air, a no-good, a plague. It was in their right to tell him. Aunt Petunia took care of him, she gave him food, he ate once, when he was lucky, twice a day.

It was harder because he didn’t have to make up this tale about himself, pretending to be brave, happy. He was constantly alone with his thoughts, the only distraction was doing chores and maybe run away from Dudley. That was not much.

The nights in Surry seemed to be darker than they were in Hogwarts. The shadows were deeper, the stars dimmer. It was around midnight when the pain started. First Harry didn’t notice it, it started with an arch in his back. The arch spread and developed into something more. It got stronger and stronger until it was like somebody was pouring hot oil over his body and then tried to prevent it from catching fire by throwing water into the mix. Which lead to the fire lighting up. Harry laid on his bed. He clenches his teeth together but moans of pain left his lips. He wanted to curl into himself but he hurt so much. He clenched his hand into the bed sheet. His back arched up just to fall down onto the bed again. He trashed around, throwing his head from one side to another. It felt as if his bones were pulverized, as if his organs were ripped out and then stuffed in again, as if someone was trying to crush his scull, make it pop like a ripe grape, as if someone was pulling on his shoulders, ripping them out of him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he just couldn’t. He wanted to faint, to lose consciousness but it seemed that blessing would not be given to him. He wanted to scream his throat raw but when he opened his mouth no sound came out of it. He let go of the bed sheet and dig his nails into the palms of his hands until he could feel a hot liquid coming out if them. That didn’t stop him.

When he thought it couldn’t get any worse, when he thought he would die, he was proven wrong.

* * *

Somehow, somewhen he must have finally lost consciousness. He couldn’t remember what last happened. Just this agony, the excruciating pain. Harry woke up to the clicks of locks.

“Hurry up and make breakfast”, Petunia’s voice called out to him. Harry struggled to sit up. His whole body felt painfully sore. He looked down on himself. He had crescent-shaped marks on the inside of his hands. His skin looked strange; it must be the dim light. His pyjama shirt and bottoms were to short. He rubbed his eyes to try and wake up more. What had that been? What had happened? That couldn’t have been normal. What a great start into his birthday. Maybe he imagined it or Voldemort had sent him another dream to taunt him.

Harry got up on unsteady legs and wobbled out of his room and into the bathroom. Walking seemed unexpecting difficult this morning. It was as if he had to learn to balance again. In the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He looked up to the mirror and froze. He looked different, beautiful and delicate. He looked like himself but not really. His cheeks were still hollow, his eyes were still sunken in, there were still the purplish rings under his eyes and his skin still looked pale. But there was a glow to him, his skin was pale, true, but it looked soft, pure and glowed. His eye colour was more intense and the dark green from before and evolved into a gleaming unnatural light green. His black hair had gotten so dark that is almost look blue. Where it was messy before, it was now a gorgeous head of curls reaching over his ears. His lips looked plum and pink, his teeth were pearl white. And he grew, at least a few inches. Harrys look wandered down, the ugly scar on the back of his hand was barley visible now. The angry red marks of the recent scar were now silver. Now that Harry saw it, he saw more silver marks, they were all over his body. It looked like delicate silver tattoos now decorated his whole form. Harry looked up again. The silver lines were even on his face, he hadn’t noticed them before. The tattoos formed a silver rim on his forehead. The lightning bolt scar was still there but it had faded like every other scar he had. It looked, it looked pretty.

Harry shuddered and took a step back from the mirror. He knew that he hadn’t been the manliest man before, but silver rims? Plum pink lips? Was this a joke? He reached with his hand between his legs, still there. At least something. The next think he notices was that because he grew, he looked even scrawnier than before. That didn’t sit well with Harry either. He asked himself again, why? And also, why him? Then the numbness washed over him again, does it even matter? It doesn’t. What is this going to change? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He knew that he had come in some kind of creature inheritance, but the only thing that change was that he wasn’t going to die a human but the bloody thing he was. He didn’t know, honestly. He still bleeds red, he still breathed air, he still felt empty and guilty. Nothing had changed. Not a thing.

* * *

He didn’t know if he was lucky or if it was just a coincident. Petunia had made breakfast and all of them where in the dining room eating breakfast not paying him any attention. When he went into the kitchen, there was just a piece of paper waiting for him. Almost all of it was garden work. He looked out of the window. It was still early but he could tell that is was going to be a hot summer day. The sun was already out and some birds sang. The back yard looked idyllic and Harry almost believed the illusion. To him, the back yard was an escape but also a torture place.

On the one hand, he was away from Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. He was alone and had time for himself. On the other side, Aunt Petunia made him always do the gardening, doesn’t matter the weather, doesn’t matter the condition he was in. He had had many colds from working in the rain and many sunburns from working in to unforgiving sun. Now, it did bother him anymore. He was used to be in constant pain, to always be arching. He had come to value the alone time more.

Harry forced his glance away from the window. He could hear the Dursleys eating. The noises of food being chewed, tea being sipped, the smacking of lips, the grinding of teeth. He could hear them breathing, Dudley and Vernon being out of breath from eating, kind of disgusting. Aunt Petunia sighing. Suddenly it grew to loud, the noise washed over him like a wave, Harry turned on his heel and went outside into the backyard.

Tend to roses, mow the lawn, cut the bushed, weed the weed, water the flower beds.

While doing all this or at least trying to get it all done, Harry felt anxious. What if somebody saw him? What if Petunia saw him? Would she kick him out? He hoped not. What was he anyways? Was he an abnormality?

“Don’t day dream boy! Get back to work”, he heard Petunia’s voice from behind him. Shocked, he looked up. He must have looked like a deer looking into headlights, eyes wide and mouth lightly open. Petunia had already turned around, deeming him unfit for her attention. He felt strange, maybe relieved? Did she accept him for what he was? No that couldn’t be. It just could not. Petunia always found something to complain about, she would have said something. So maybe, possibly, perhaps, she didn’t see him like he saw himself? It had to be.

Harry shook his head and went back to his work. Maybe it had just been a coincidence, he had to test this again. Uncle Vernon would voice his opinion, he was sure of it.

* * *

Harry was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when something else than a fresh summer breeze came through the window. An owl flew in and dropped a letter in front of him. Harry could catch it barely before it fell into the pan with the bacon. A little unsure he looked at the letter. Had he done something wrong? Maybe he had done magic without knowing and now the ministry wanted to snap his wand. He turned the letter in his hands and was greeted by the Hogwarts-crest on red wax. He breathed out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. But then it hit him, this were the results of the OWLs.

With shaky hands he broke the red wax. The envelope laid heavy in his hands. The Parchment felt oddly smooth under his fingertips. He pulled out the letter and the envelope dropped onto the kitchen counter. His eyes scanned the paper. The hand holding the letter slowly dropped down. His insides formed into a knot. For a moment he was choking on air.

He failed History of Magic and Divination. In Defence against the Dark Arts he only scored an E. He had no O’s. In Charms and Transfiguration, he had only gotten an A. That means he could not proceed doing his N.E.W.T.s in these subjects.

For a moment he just stood there, shocked, in silence. The bacon was frying next to him, the oil was spraying up and thus creating a sound. The clock in the kitchen was ticking away. The half open fridge door was beeping, trying to remind somebody to close it. The birds were singing outside and all Harry could think of was, why the world was going on? Why hadn’t it stopped?

Harry didn’t feel anything for a moment, he was empty, a rather pleasant feeling, then everything rebounded back into him and the guilt and shame hit him. He was a failure; he couldn’t account to anything in his life. How was he suppose to kill a madman when he couldn’t even get an O in Defense?

He chuckled. Well, he had an E in potions, Snape would probably spit out his black coffee if he’d known.

Harry forced his attention back to the bacon and flipped it. His relatives would not be happy if it were to burn. His stomach twisted and he was a little nauseous. He didn’t know if it was because of his marks or because of the sweet smell of the meat frying in the pan.

* * *

_It felt as if his chest, his ribcage and his stomach were torn open and all his intestines were falling out of him. He tries so pick them up and shove them back in but the bloody mess is slipping through his fingers. His insides are spilled out in front of him. They dangle on a thread; the only thing connects them to him. He doesn’t know if he should cut it or pull on it._

_He was choking on his own blood. He tried to spit it out but even more was coming up and blocking his airways._

* * *

Harry laid awake in his bed. The room was mostly dark but a few strands of light found their way through the window. He was on his back, starring on the ceiling. His mind felt numb where as his body was burning. He felt like he had no perspective anymore. The future, it held nothing but pain for him.

First, there was this guy without a nose hunting and trying to kill him. He supposes if he told Voldemort to fuck off, he would probably not be so kind to follow the order. He felt left alone with the problem. Everybody just expected him to fight and also come out with a victory. Nobody was concerned with how in the seven worlds he was supposed to do that. Not even he himself knew. How great.

His friends. His “friends”. His acquaintances who haven’t even bothered to write him the whole summer. Not even on his birthday. He didn’t know what to do about them. Harry knew Ron envied him. For what he didn’t know. Gladly he would give Ron all the fame for a second of peace. Gladly he would let Ron take his place. The problem was, Ron just saw what he wanted to see. He saw all the flashes and lights but did not experience the moments of blindness and discomfort. He did not understand the task given, forced, on Harry. To kill someone. True, to kill a monster but one has to first come to peace with the thought of ending a life. Ron did not know the sacrifices he had to give. All the people dying, Sirius, dead. His parents, dead. Ron did not see what he already had. A family, a loving family. It was rather sad. Truly. And Hermione, well Hermione was Hermione. What was there more to say? She believes in authority, she believed in books and she also believed that they could do no wrong. Who was he to criticize? She was there to help him study, to help him do his homework and anything beyond that, there was not much. He once thought that she was his voice of reason but now he thought otherwise.

His thoughts returned to the conclusion he had come to. To the idea that had formed in his head. Could he ever come to peace with the thought of killing someone? Even though it was “just” Voldemort. Even though it would be a monster he will kill. Even though he would save lives. Harry didn’t know. He truly didn’t and to be honest, at the moment he didn’t care. All these people counting on him, all this sheer pressure, seemingly focused on him. It choked him. There was no way out, no secret escape, no short cut. But, what if he couldn’t? What if he was not good enough? What if he failed? What if he was a disappointment? His marks proved it. He wasn’t good at anything, really. He was nothing special. Maybe they, all the people, maybe they could find someone else fighting for them? Did it really have to be him?

Why couldn’t they just leave him be. Wasn’t his life miserable enough?

Maybe they liked to see him suffer.

And he suffered.

Silently.

* * *

It was dark but not cold. Harry sat on a swing, pushing himself forward with one foot. Sand got into his shoe but he didn’t bother to shake it out because more would just get into it later. He had needed an escape from everything, a break out. Here, time stood still, at least for a second. He felt the hopelessness and the numbness but it was easier to just breathe. For a second, he didn’t need to think and just concentrated on breathing. The air flowed easily into his lungs and he could smell the fresh summer night.

He was glad that Dudley and his gang didn’t find him yet and he had a few moments to himself. He wondered what he would do when they found him. Maybe he should stop running and just- no, he stopped the thought. He wasn’t going to stop trying. At least for now.

The sand was darker where he disturbed it. It formed a weird pattern on the ground. He looked at it, it looked like nothing, like dirt. It reminded him of the few times he tried to draw anything. To say the least, he could have only made a name for himself in the modern art community if he ever wanted to go into art. He let himself swing a little. His feet dragging on the ground. The sky war clear tonight and he saw a variety of starts in the sky. They were so beautiful and tiny he couldn’t find words for them. He could just look up and stare.

He wanted to forget for this one moment. Wanted to forget his parents, Voldemort, Sirius, his burden, his recent academic failures, his change and this new side of him. Now, in this very moment, there was just him. He enjoyed it and dreaded the moment this glimpse of normality was over. When he was back at being a worthless freak.

He needed to be back before Dudley was so his Aunt would let him back into the house. He always managed to slip into the house just seconds before Dudley did. Except this one time. He had to sleep in the slide of the playground. The next morning, he returned and made breakfast.

He slowly got up, not wanting to return just yet. He walked slowly, looking at the scenery. Everything looked peaceful but also a little lonely and creepy at night. Especially the playground. It was just such a contrast; in daytime the place was full of life and children laughter. But now it was eerily quiet and abandonment. Harry liked it at night better. The slide stood there, empty, then there. A noise. Something was in the bushes. Harry’s head snapped around, looking at the green leaves expectantly. For a second, he saw someone jump out of the bushes and murdering him. Nothing happened. It was quiet again, this eerie silence filling up the space. He wondered if he just imagined it. If it had been a produced of his scared mind.

Harry turned around, trying to forget it and walked away. When he almost reached the end of the playground he looked back. He hadn’t been able to supress the urge. Just for a second. There wouldn’t be anything anyways. Black eyes starred at him. It felt as if they were boring into his soul. He felt naked and stripped. The rest of the way Harry ran home.

* * *

_It was dark and the air was frosty cold. When Harry breathed out white smoky air resurfaced and was then blown away. First Harry thought that he couldn’t see anything and that the darkness around him was impenetrable, that it was laid over him like a thick blanket not letting get any sound through. He was wrong because he could clearly make out that he was sitting in some kind of circle. He was surrounded by chalk markings, they spread around him like a spider web forming mysterious patterns and maybe even a language. And the dead centre of them was he. He was the focus, he felt strange realising it. It didn’t feel like he just learned that information but rather that he realised this fact as something he should have known. Suddenly it hit him, something that has been bothering him but wasn’t sure what it has been. It was the eerie silence that consumed everything. This blanket was even thicker than the other one. It was so quiet that he could hear the slight ring in his ears as well as his pumping heart. All this echoed inside of him and it felt much louder than it should have been. He reached up with his hands, clasping his head between them. It was so silent and loud at the same time, his heart beat faster and faster and the ringing got louder and louder, it felt like it couldn’t possibly get louder but then it did. He screamed but his voice was swallowed by the thick blanket. He thought his body must burst or rip in half, he thought he couldn’t bear it anymore._

_Then, suddenly, it stopped. Harry fell back, relieved because he thought that it was over. When he saw light from behind is eyelids, he opened them. The chalk markings had begun to shine and shimmer in a white light. Fascinated Harry had to watch them. He couldn’t redirect his glance. Then, he was not alone anymore. He was surrounded by five hooded figures, all of them starring down at him. He didn’t know how he knew it because he couldn’t make out what was under their hoods but he could feel their glances crawling up his skin. It felt itchy and it burned. He felt like he should want to escape but reality was that he didn’t want to. Something inside him told him that he was save, that he should stay where he is. He closed his eyes again._

Harry woke up in his bed soaked in sweat. His breathing was going a little harder than it should be and he felt a little heavier than he should feel. Thinking of his dream he felt strange, it was a strange dream after all. Ruffling his hair, he couldn’t think of a meaning for it. There was this other side of him, the one which had been there since the change many nights before, it felt content. It felt longing, hopeful. Weird, it was the first time Harry really distinguished between himself and his new other side.

* * *


	2. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback, I really appreciate it because I am still not sure about this fanfic. I enjoy writing it though :)

**Chapter 2**

Harry sat in an empty compartment. Vernon had dropped him off early because he had Business to do in London. Thus, he just took Harry with him, not wanting to drive twice. Harry didn’t mind. That just meant that he had more time for himself, maybe even reviewing some notes or doing some reading in the text books. Or sleeping, or looking out of the window, or not thinking, or thinking about how the world would go on without him in it. It was depressing, really.

The compartment he was in smelled weird. One of the seats had a weird stain on it, it was the left seat next to the window. He sat down right across from it. The windows looked like they had these weird spots that were created when someone leaned their head or face against it. The greasy kind, maybe Snape had been in this compartment? Harry turned away a little disgusted. On the other hand, he didn’t want to get up again and move into another one. It took him a lot of strength to lift up his trunk and to place it into the overhead compartment. It was not heavy, he didn’t possess a lot of stuff, he was just really weak and scrawny. It riled him up a little. At least he grew some.

Harry was already wearing his school uniform, he didn’t want to change in front of anyone and also, he didn’t want anyone to see him in his cousin’s old clothes. He was embarrassed about them. They were dirty and had holes. It was easy to spot that they were well worn and hand-me-downs. His school uniform on the other hand was a little too short for him, but it was also clean (the house elves had washed it before he left for the summer). He had rolled up the sleeves to hide that fact. He hadn’t gone to Diagon Alley, instead, Mrs. Weasley had sent him the books he needed for the upcoming year. He was thankful for that. There had also been a little note saying that Dumbledore payed for them with his, Harry’s, money he had taken out of his vault. It was a little confusing, he thought he had the only key?

At first, he didn’t know if Vernon’s heart could have taken the shock of meeting more wizards if there were to pick him up to go school shopping. Maybe he should have done it even more because of it. He would have loved to test if Vernon’s red face got grew even more red. There was always another time. He was also glad that he didn’t have to go because he still hadn’t come to terms with his new looks. Even though he knew through trial and test that nobody seemed to notice a difference about him, Petunia would have voiced her displeasure, he still wasn’t entirely sure. What if it was different for wizards? He could see his new self just fine in the mirror. He knew that it was just a matter of time before a wizard would see him but was, he at fault for wanting to put it off?

“Mutatio vestimentum”, he said pointing his wand at his clothes and imagining his clothes lengthen. It was his first-time doing magic since he had left Hogwarts. He was astonished how he could feel his magic traveling through his body and from his heart to his hand and through the wand. It was an entirely new sensation. Never before he had felt magic flowing through his veins. It made him wonder, why hadn’t he felt it before? It must have been always there. Before, he had said some Latin words and waved his wand and stuff just happened. Now he could actually feel. It. It felt like pure bliss. His clothes started growing. He watched the procedure fascinated. His clothes grew and grew and didn’t stop. Soon, they were longer than he wanted them to be and he felt how his magic began to drain. He felt uneasy. Why didn’t it stop? He wanted it to stop. Full of panic he had to witness how cotton seemed to multiply. Stop, this had to stop! His clothes continued to lengthen and now started to pool around him. All Harry could do was watch in horror. What had he done wrong? He was sure to have done everything right. He started to feel weak.

“Stop”, he whispered. Nothing happened. “Stop!”, he finally screamed and tried to will his magic back. Imagined how his clothes went to the length he needed. For a second everything was still, then his pants and dress-shirt stopped growing, if only they would shrink and then stopped at the right length. All tension fell from Harry, he was exhausted. He felt back into his seat. He almost tripped on his pantlegs. He closed his eyes. Just a second, he told himself.

The door opened and banged against the seat. Harry snapped his eyes open. It was hard because he felt sluggish but the loud sound fueled him with some adrenaline. Harry spotted the cause of the loud noise. A tall boy, no man. Dark hair that looked almost purple in the weird train light. The face was darkly handsome, aristocratic features and dark eyes, the mouth pulled up in a smirk.

“Potter, what a mess! Trying some magic before Hogwarts and failing so miserably? Aren’t you at least a little ashamed?”, Theodor Nott said. His voice was deep and even though he had just utterly insulted Harry, the voice calmed him down a bit?

“Nott. Nice to see you as well. I am glad you enjoyed my little show. I was actually trying this spell out to see if it is suitable to use on Malfoy later”, Harry said as casual as he could muster. He forced a little smirk on his face. It hurt to smile.

“And Potter? To what conclusion has this little experiment of yours lead you?”, Nott asked. It was the kind of tone somebody would use on children when they caught them lying or stealing. Harry’s smirk turned into a grin.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I’d say you have to wait for your turn”, Harry answered. Nott was a Slytherin, true, but he had never really talked to him, not even to argue or fight. Nott was a complete mystery. He looked at him, really looked at him. Nott had changed? Or at least he looked different. His eyes seemed to shimmer in a dark purple and he looked athletic. He looked out of this world. How strange.

“With how you are looking me up and down I am more afraid I suddenly have to realize I am walking around without my clothes”, Nott stated dryly. Then he smirked again and winked at Harry. Who hasn’t expected this reply at all and blushed furiously. The red must be creeping up his face and even reach his hairline. He suddenly felt so embarrassed. That Nott had interpreted it that way. This wasn’t how a Slytherin was supposed to act towards him.

“It wasn’t, I didn’t mean…”, Harry stuttered, not able to get out a single comprehendible word. Nott’s glance intensified and he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

“Relax Potter. I wouldn’t make it so easy for you”, Nott said. He turned around and was about to leave the compartment. “And before I forget it”, he said and flicked his hand. Harry’s uniform started to shrink again. The door felt shut again. Harry was left flabbergasted.

Soon after the train started to move the door opened again. For a split-second Harry thought it might be Nott coming back to continue mocking him. Silver blond hair, an awkward smile and the Quibbler under the arm, it was Luna Lovegood. Right behind her was Neville grinning and hair out of order. Harry gasp a little in relief. No Slytherin’s but also not Ron and Hermione who he was waiting for and had expected.

“Hey Harry, nice to see you again. You grew”, Luna said in her dreamy tone of voice matching it with a dreamy smile. She let herself fall onto the seat across from Harry.

“Yeah mate. Good to see you. How was your summer?”, Neville asked and sat next to the girl. Harry smiled uncertainly. He was still a little shaken up from before.

“It was as usual. We get a new teacher in potions, Professor Slughorn”, Harry revealed trying to convert the attention from himself to the new staff member.

“No way, really? No Professor Snape? Like a dream come true”, Neville exclaimed and got a far away look in the end and smile enchanted. “Maybe Snape died, wouldn’t that be great?”

“No silly, if Snape had died the Nargles would have told me. He is going to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, isn’t that right Harry?”, she asked batting her lashes. Harry nodded wondering how she knew. Well, anybody with a little combination skill could figure it out.

“No, does fate hate me? I am going to take Defence. Harry, you should really continue the DA”, Neville begged and looked pleadingly at Harry. Harry laughed nervously and shrugged the shoulders.

“Well, the DA was founded because of Umbridge but now that she is gone there is not really a need for it?”, he explained. Honestly, Harry didn’t want to continue the DA, it was exhausting and then he had been around more people more of his time. It was tiring. On the other hand, he had been disappointed that neither the Quidditch Captain’s nor the Perfect’s Patch had been in his letter. He was sure that he would get one or the other. It hurt a little that Dumbledore obviously didn’t see him fit for neither position.

“I guess you are right. It was just nice, you know?”, Neville said and looked directly at him.

“I liked it as well, it was almost as if I had friends, weird, huh?”, Luna giggled. Neville and Harry looked at her weirded out. It was true that the girl didn’t have many friends, if any at all, everybody knew that. But hearing her speaking it out loud? It was still something different. Nobody liked to confess that they didn’t have friends, it was downgrading and embarrassing. For the most at least, not for Luna thought which was just adding to her charm.

Harry opened his mouth to say something. The compartment door opened. In the doorway stood a girl, she looked unremarkable pretty and her eyes were fixated on Harry. Harry shifted his weight on his seat uncomfortable. She just stood there for a minute or too, looking at him, Luna and Neville were looking at her and then him and then her again, confused.

“Yes?”, Harry asked and cleared his throat. Maybe she was lost? I hope she is not a fangirl, please, god, Harry thought silently to himself.

“Harry Potter, I mean, I know that you are Harry Potter”, she said and smiled a little embarrassed. Harry shrugged his shoulders and messed up his hair a little more. Her smile got a little wider. From behind her he could hear more girl’s giggles. Oh no, she brought the whole infantry. A fangirl then.

“Yes, that is my name, thank you for telling me”, Harry joked and flashed her a smile, trying to be nice. Obviously, the girl wanted something from him and was too shy to tell. When he smiled, his insides clenched together and twisted. His other side hurt, it was displeased, it didn’t want him to smile at girls. Or at this girl?

“You can do so much better than”, she gestured to Neville and Luna “this. Come, sit with me and my friends. I promise it will be much nicer”, she said as if it were the magic words and he would just agree with her, get up and abandon his friends. Harry let out a laugh.

“You are joking, right?”, he asked in disbelieve.

“No, I am serious”, she said, clearly not catching on. On the familiar phrase – “No, I am Sirius”- his heart clenched and his stomach dropped into a bottomless pit.

“Leave. Leave and don’t ever, ever ask me again”, he said, suddenly furious. Who was this girl to disturb their peace like that? To assume, to be so thoughtless. He could see tears gathering in her eyes but he really didn’t care. He just focused on her, trying to convey the same message with his eyes. She fled, throwing the door shut behind her. Once she was gone Harry sagged noticeably in his chair.

“I mean, we are probably not that cool. You should go, no hard feelings”, Neville said and smiled tightly. Harry laughed again without humour.

“You can’t be serious right now. I would never trade you for some pubescent girl who would probably hijack me once I am out of that door. And anyways, you guys are cool. I mean, I hang out with you guys, you must be cool”, Harry tried to joke at the end to lighten up the mood. It worked a little because the both of them smiled.

“My grandmother would trade me for you any time though”, Neville answered in the same joking manner. Harry laughed, really laughed this time. He imagined Neville’s grandmother with the big hat like the one from the Boggart.

“But only if I don’t have to wear her hats.”

It was not long after that they were disturbed again.

“Harry”, the compartment door flew open and banged against a seat. Hermione rushed in and hugged him. He was a little surprised but then returned that hug. His other side huffed in annoyance.

“Hey mate”, Ron said and smiled goofy. Hermione let go of him. On both of their Hogwarts’s uniforms he could see a Perfect patch. A hurtful pang in his chest, jealousy, no don’t be jealous of your friends- smile.

“Congrats! The patch looks nice on both of you”, Harry said over joyfully and smiled broadly.

“Thanks, mom freaked when it came in the mail. She never imagined that I could become a Perfect, I got a new broom as well. Fred and George were jealous, though. They didn’t let me live it down”, Ron started to tell and sat down next to Harry. “But you now what? I am also Quidditch Captain. I thought for sure that you would get this position, imagine my surprise! Mom and Dad were so proud” Harry smiled painfully and nodded. At least it is Ron, Ron is my friend. Ron deserves this. He kept telling himself it, forcing himself to believe his own words. He almost succeeded.

“Ron, don’t brag”, Hermione scolded. “It is good too see you, Harry. You look good. Anyways, I am sorry but we need to control some more compartments. You now, duty”, she says and smiles apologetically. “Ron, come and don’t tell the next first-year we see that they need to fight a Troll to get into Hogwarts. The last ones were terrified and one contemplated so jump out of the window”, she snarled at Ron but couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“But it was so much fun!”, Ron whined but winked at Harry. Then his face turned serious. “Malfoy that git is also Perfect but he isn’t doing his duties. I thought for sure I had to save some Gryffindors from his fury”, he said.

“Yeah, it is rather suspicious and also inacceptable. I will talk to Professor McGonagall about this”, Hermione promised.

“Bye Harry”, they both said.

“Bye, have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Ron”, Harry answered and waved. Hermione and Ron were almost auf of the door, it closed behind them. Harry could hear Ron’s faint laugh anyways. It hurt, but he digs a hole and shoved the jealousy and the awkward feel of betrayal inside of it and buried it deep inside of himself. They deserved it, they were good, they deserved it.

Later a girl came by. She was a messenger sent by Slughorn to invite him and Neville to his compartment. He didn’t want to go but Dumbledore’s orders were clear. And Neville seemed really into it, a Professor inviting them? What an honor. Luna was indifferent and told them to just go.

In Slughorn’s compartment he met Ginny. He was happy to see her; she was Ron’s sister after all and kind of a part of the family. Ginny kept glancing at him, smiling, twirling her hair, batting her eyelashes. She was pretty, true but thinking of her this way made his other side shutter and pull away. He couldn’t fight it, he just felt the same and whenever their glances crossed path, he smiled politely. The kind of smile where you press your lips together and pull the corners of your mouth outwards to not seem unfriendly. Ginny seemed content with that. She returned his smiles with big wide dazzling ones. Dazzling maybe to any other boy but he just cringed inside. He felt a little pity for her. He knew that she had a crush on him, for years now. He knew and he felt like he was leading her on. Probably he should talk with her that would be the right thing to do.

Harry was surprised when Slughorn dismissed them. The professor had been a background noise, faded out and unimportant. The lunch he hadn’t touched. It had smelled foul and dead to him even though he was really hungry. Blaise Zabini who had also been there left first. It was surprising that Malfoy hadn’t shown up, he would pass up an opportunity like this surly? An opportunity to brag about his father, his money and his influence. Let’s correct this, his father, his father’s money and his father’s influence. Malfoy was like a little leech, a parasite, just taking and never returning. Harry wondered what his homelife had to be to turn out like this. Malfoy Senior’s face surfaced in his mind, stoic features, cold glance and sneering lips. Honestly, it wasn’t unexpected. Hell, maybe even he himself would have turned out like this if growing up in these conditions. James Potter had been arrogant, came from old money perhaps Harry could have been the same? No, his mother and his father had been loving, he could have been spoiled, a brat but not begrudging or evil like Malfoy is. He seriously doubted the love of Malfoy’s parents for him, producing an heir had probably been a duty.

What if Malfoy hadn’t been invited? Then there had to be a reason, Malfoy was something out of a wet dream of Slughorn’s for his little club. So, if it wasn’t Malfoy himself, then it was his father? There were rumours about him being a Death Eater, true chitchats but no evidence. And he knew from Dumbledore that Slughorn was hiding from them, hell, even the circumstances they had found him in while recruiting, it spoke for itself.

But if Malfoy wasn’t at the luncheon and he wasn’t fulfilling his Perfect duties, what was he doing?

For a second Harry contemplated with himself to follow Zabini into the Slytherin compartment under his invisibility cloak. He really wanted to hear what they were talking about, what Malfoy was planning. Like Hermione said, it was rather suspicious. When he got up to follow his other side did something strange. It gave him a mental kick, with a groan Harry fell back into his seat and held his head.

“Are you alright, Harry? Is it, is it you know what?”, Ginny asked, concern written all over her face and her warm hand on Harry’s skinny arm. Harry shook his head, then shook his arm to get rid of the girl. His other side didn’t like the physical touch. From her at least.

“I think I am just dehydrated. I will drink something when I get back to my compartment, will you excuse me please”, he said quickly to not get caught in the lie. First, he was cautious getting up and opening the door. He feared another mental kick, another stimuli by his other side, maybe a warning? When nothing happened, he had the door handle in his hand for a few minutes, standing there like a complete idiot, he fled the room. He made sure to go the opposite direction that Zabini went.

* * *

Harry sat between Ron and Hermione. Ron was sitting there with his legs spread, his leg touching Harry’s. For some odd reason this made Harry uncomfortable. The heat of Ron’s leg was awkward against his own, in comparison cold, leg. It had never bothered him before, the contrary in fact. He often sat in the same manner as Ron. But now? Now he wanted to be as small as possible, he wanted to go unseen, unnoticed. He had an arche inside of him, he had never felt it before this summer but since his transformation happened, it had been a constant companion. It felt as if some part of him was missing, as if he was not complete. He couldn’t describe it. He had always felt not complete but this incompleteness urged him to look for the other piece to make him whole again. And now, having Ron next to him, him touching his leg, him eating food like a pig next to him, him talking with his mouth full, him spitting everywhere, it disgusted him. More than usual, before, he hadn’t mind Ron. Now, he couldn’t but notice every detail. The intensity of the smacking while he ate, the food smears in his face – Harry turned away.

On his other side sat Hermione. She looked pretty, her hair was shorter and looked curlier than bushy. On her plate was a chicken breast and some vegetable. She only put small potions in her mouth, swallowed before she talked and smiled politely. She was talking with Ginny. Harry knew that she probably wanted to read something or thought already about the courses she had this year. He was glad that she didn’t notice him, almost ignoring him. He didn’t want to talk to her, she was probably the only one who noticed how skinny he was. She would be nagging him. How he was, how he was handling Sirius’ de… no, he was glad that she showed him the cold shoulder. Good for her, he was a burden anyways. He didn’t want her to find out about his failed grades anyways.

Ginny sat across from Hermione. Her red hair shimmered prettily in the dim candle light. She had grown up quite a bit over the summer. He was glad for her. He noticed Dean Thomas, who was sitting down the table, sneaking glances at her. But Ginny, she was looking at him. Her thoroughly glance was making him uncomfortable. Especially the gleam in her eyes. He couldn’t place it, but the way she smiled at him, played with her hair and the lip licking lead to the educated guess that she still had a crush on him. It was like in the compartment on the train. He really needed to talk to her. The same part of him that longed for a missing piece flinched away from her in disgust, his other side. He had never looked at Ginny with disgust, he had always thought her to be attractive, when a little annoying, but never disgusted. He shied away from her eyes. Instead he looked at his plate.

His plate was in front of him, currently it was empty. It was not like he didn’t want to eat, the contrary in fact, he was ravenous. He hadn’t eaten anything for a while. But when he looked around and eyed the dishes arranged around of him, he got nauseous. When he saw the fried meat dishes, the sausages, the chicken, the pig, he wanted to cry and vomit at the same time. Stealthily he got rid of a tear in the corner of his eye. He didn’t know why, but he had felt the way ever since the day. The sweet smell of the meat around him got rid of any of the hunger he had build up. The smashed potatoes and the fries didn’t look really good either. In the end, he took some cooked carrots and a little salat. The food was like sandpaper in his mouth and it was as if he was trying to swallow sand. He couldn’t finish his plate.

A few seats over he heard Lavender Brown talk to her friends. He had always thought that she was annoying and rather simple minded.

“Parvati, have you lost weight over the summer? You look so, so different”, she said. Harry didn’t want to listen but he couldn’t stop. Lavender was talking so loud with her shrill voice. “I wished I was so thin”, she said and then toned it down a bit. Obviously, she was waiting for people to tell her how good she looked and that she was already thin. Harry looked at her, really looked at her. She had changed over the summer as well. She had lost weight as well, that much was clear. She toned up, looked sportive.

After her last sentence Harry felt different. Suddenly, he felt exhausted, like a chunk of his magic just left him. It was like in the train ride, only, that magic was still tickling out of him. It was like a river he couldn’t stop. His magic was headed towards Lavender. He didn’t know what was happening or how to stop. The magic was out of control.

Harry turned away from then and cross his arms around his chest. He felt so weak, so small. He tried to curl into himself, he was cold and light-headed. He felt like he was going to throw up and faint at the same time.

* * *

“My dear boy, I am glad you could come”, Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes. He looked over his halfmoon glasses piercingly. Harry shifted his weight on the chair, he felt uncomfortable. “Lemon drop, tea?”, he asked. Dumbledore sounded friendly, he looked like a caring grandfather and Harry had believed the façade for a long time. But now, something inside of him nudged him, told him to be careful, not to trust this old man.

“No, thank you, Professor”, Harry answered and smiled this kind of smile that didn’t mean anything other than maybe a gesture of politesse. His eyes had been directed downwards before but now he looked up. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, his impressive long beard hung over his belly and reached his knees. Did he gain weight? Today he wore a lavender coloured robe, it didn’t really suit his skin tone and made him look sick and old. His half moon glasses had slipped a little lower than usual. The light blue eyes behind them were surrounded by deep wrinkles. Harry couldn’t look away from the old man. Physically he looked frail and nothing but an old man but Harry could sense an aura of power surrounding him. A silent warning that you shouldn’t mess with him. Before, he had always found it comforting, now it made him uneasy.

“Do you know why you are here?”, Dumbledore asked. His grandfatherly smile had slipped. Worry was in his voice. Harry couldn’t judge the authenticity of it.

“Uhm, because you invited me for tea?”, Harry asked. He wasn’t entirely sure if this was about his marks or not but he thought it better to pretend to be clueless. Dumbledore’s frown deepened.

“I am afraid not, my boy. Although I would enjoy you coming around more”, Dumbledore answered. “First, I want to talk about your grades. I thought you were better in Defence Against the Dark Arts. How do you want to defy Voldemort if you can’t fight him? That leads me to my next concern. I thought about your situation and how Voldemort is still able to manipulate you through your dreams. Professor Snape is going to continue teaching you in the Mind Arts. And don’t look at me like that now, do you want that the same thing that happened to Sirius repeat itself again?”

Harry sat there silent and looked down. He knew he failed his grades. He knew he had to be better than that. And the thing with Sirius, he truly didn’t want anything like that to happen again. But Snape? That old greasy bat hated his guts.

“Professor, with all due respect, Snape hates me! He won’t teach me but rather make my life hell”, Harry protested. He was angry. Why did Dumbledore always decide for him? Why didn’t he asked him before, maybe there would have been another professor available?

“Harry, it is Professor Snape. And he doesn’t hate you, he may be tough but that will harden you just more”, he put an emphasis on the Professor and spoke in a disapproving tone. Harry shrank back, suddenly feeling ashamed and guilty. Dumbledore had just his best at mind, if he thought it was necessary, then certainly it was? Didn’t he have to trust, just a little? Dumbledore had been always right and he was wiser and older than him by a lot.

His rational side spoke. His new side, this other side of him, it disagreed. It wanted to claw Dumbledore’s eyes out. Claw?

“Okay Professor. I will give it a try”, Harry gave in and sighed. He couldn’t look at the old man.

“Good boy”

“Professor, can I ask you something?”, Harry dared to say. He felt unsure, insecure.

“Of course, ask away”, Dumbledore answered with a small smile. He took a sip of tea and looked at harry expectantly over his half-moon glasses. Harry shifted his weight from one leg to another and fiddled with the hemline of his dress shirt which fit him loose.

“I was wondering why you didn’t make me captain of the Quidditch team. Wood said something like that last years”, Harry said quickly to get it out. He looked at Dumbledore, nervous for his reaction. He saw how Dumbledore’s face turned sour. The edges of his lips turned down and his glance turned disapprovingly.

“Harry, I thought we have talked about this? You have to fight Voldemort; you have to be prepared for your task. Don’t you think Quidditch wouldn’t be a distraction for you? You are still Seeker, are you not? Ron is much better equipped for that role. And now I don’t want to hear anything more about this nonsense, are we understood?”, Dumbledore said sternly. His eyes almost bored into Harry’s own. Harry swallowed the lump which had formed in his throat and buried the deep feeling of emptiness and betrayal. He nodded.

“Goodbye Professor”, He said and turned his back to the headmaster. It hurt, it did. Why was killing Voldemort all of the sudden such a focus? It was true, somebody had to defeat him, but why did it have to be him? Dumbledore was much older, much wiser, had so much more experience and most importantly, Voldemort was afraid of him. Harry was but a schoolboy, who in their right mind feared a puberty ridden sixteen-year-old? 

“Oh, and Harry, I signed you up for all of the classes you need to become an Auror. This year I want to see better results”

* * *

“Ah, Mister Potter, I expected something more form our golden boy”, Snape said. Harry’s eyes snapped up, looking at Snape. Snape didn’t change a bit. Still tall, still wearing black, still greasy hair. The evil glint in his eyes was there as always. Harry didn’t expect anything else but he was still a little scared. Snape was the kind of teacher when you go into his lessons, you get a stomach ache, your hands sweat and you doubt every decision you ever made in your life. For example, if it wouldn’t had been better to have taken a little bit more time to do the homework than the 20 minutes you spared for it. Maybe you shouldn’t have talked to you friends and rather concentrated on what the book had said. As much as you wanted to remember, the information didn’t resurface in your mind.

“But I presume your poor grades just mirror your poor personality, no surprises there, don’t you agree with me Mr. Potter?”, Snape spit out. Harry gritted his teeth, his hands curled into firsts without his permission. He hated the old git, really despised him.

“Well, Professor, poor grades also reflect the teacher’s ability to teach, don’t you think? It just so happens that the overall potion marks of the students drastically sank since you have become Professor here. That can’t be a coincidence, wouldn’t you agree?”, Harry managed to say in a calm tone and then smiled at his Professor. He felt satisfaction seeing Snape’s skin tone change into an angry red and the metaphorical smoke coming out of his ears. His smile widened a little.

“50 points from Gryffindor and detention with me Potter for insulting a teacher. I just wish Potter I wouldn’t have to see you again. You are a disgrace”, Snape said and turned around. Harry leaned back in his chair. The point reduction was unfair but not unexpected. From across the room he could see Hermione’s disapproving glare and Ron’s wide grin. He gave him the thumbs up, Harry smiled. Then, suddenly he felt weak. It was like a chunk of his magic left him, almost as if he did a powerful spell. It hurt. It was ripped out of him. He choked; his heart stopped for a second. He slumped forward in his chair, grabbing his chest. Tears gathered in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, trying to breathe normal and regular. In out, in out. Then the spell was over but he still felt weak. Strange, what caused this? He stole a glance around, nobody has noticed, Snape ignored him. Good, good.

-

“Stay after class Potter”, Snape called out as he released the rest of the class after the lecture. Harry packed his books a little more forceful into his bag than he needed to. He had absolutely no desire to stay longer than needed. When everybody had left the room, he stepped up to his despised Professor.

“Mr. Potter, Tuesdays and Thursdays at eight sharps, my office in the dungeons. I will teach your insolent mind the complex Mind Arts. Hopefully you will take something from this, this time. Let’s hope you have learnt from the dead. Don’t be late. You may go now”, Snape said dismissingly. Harry nodded and turned around quickly to catch up with Hermione and Ron. He could puke thinking about the meetings with Snape. Thank you, Dumbledore, I really appreciate it. Fuck you.

* * *

_When nobody is watching you, what is the reason in existing? When nobody listens, why speak? When there is no reason to live, why survive?_

Harry sat at the lake, freezing. It was a cold day for September and he had forgotten to get his cloak. He crossed his arms in front of his chest trying to hold back a shiver. Maybe you wonder why he sits here, alone and freezing at the lake. It was his escape, the place he always went to when everything got too much and he needed a timeout. The place he has chosen was rarely visited by anyone else but him. Sometimes couples come here to be undisturbed but it was too cold for sex in the nature. There was a large tree and a dry patch of grass on which he sat on. He always came here to gather himself and calm his emotions. He came here to stop the wave on oncoming feelings and urges. Urges to kill himself, urges to scream and cry until his throat was bloody, urges to be invisible, urges to piss off his friends just to be left alone.

Maybe, you wonder what situation caused Harry to there now, during lessons when everybody was in a classroom and he could have probably hidden in a bathroom just as well. Since his creature inheritance Harry had to go out as much as possible. He loved to have the sky over him. He used to feel so small and unimportant in comparison but now? He didn’t care, he felt free for the split of a moment when he looked up and imagines the night’s sky over his head. The sun touching and caressing his skin pulled him out of his fantasy.

Harry played with a blade of grass. He looked at it. It was a normal piece of grass, when a little yellow. He threw it away. He had nothing really to do except to not get caught by a teacher. Looking up, he made sure that he couldn’t be seen from the castle. He did it out of paranoia, not because he wasn’t sure, he went here all the time, he knew it was safe. When he was done looking, he could breathe again, for a short while. He felt so crowded and trapped inside the castle, it was as if the stone walls were squeezing the air out of him, making his eyes pop out like a toy.

The lake looked peaceful and utterly ordinary, he knew that this was not true for he had met the Selkies and Grindylows during the Triwizard tournament. Out of impulse he threw his shoes off and pulled his pants up. The water was ice cold touching his skin and he felt alive. The water was so light, it almost didn’t feel like they were in the water. Supported by his arms he leaned back and looked up to the sky, again. It was truly a beautiful day to skip classes. Maybe he should do it more often. It was as if his eyes were closing on their own and he just let them. The air smelled to crisp, cold and soft at the same time. It smelled like winter in September.

An ice-cold hand rapped around his foot, pulling and tucking with such a strength that Harry almost fell into the water head first. He screamed, not out of pain but because it startled him. His arms were flailing looking for somewhere to hold onto. Another hand rapped around his other foot, also pulling. He was going to fall into the water. He braced himself, his eyes squeezed shut, breathing rapidly, giving up on finding a hold.

Strong arms took a hold of him, they encircled his chest and pulled him backwards, slowly but steadily to not hurt him. Nonetheless he cried out from pain because the water creature didn’t let go easily. Surprisingly, after he cried out, the creature let go of his feet. He thought that maybe they wanted a snack and bite of a toe or something rather than letting go. Upon being free, he fell backwards onto the stranger’s chest. His other side began purring in his head. It was a weird sensation and he felt awkward thinking about it. He turned around. Black eyes, familiar black eyes.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Ginny, Snape and something unexpected


	3. Innocent Spit

**Chapter 3**

Black eyes, familiar black eyes. It were the same eyes he had sawn on the playground many nights before. His first instinct had been to get away then, now it was different. The pair belonged to a very handsome face. A long nose, high cheek bones and lips that invited to be kissed. What the hell, what was he thinking? Lips that invited to kiss, to kiss a guy? He was sure that he wasn’t gay or at least wasn’t certain. His other side was pleased upon the thought of kissing someone. It was rather confusing. But one thing was sure, he felt very safe in the arms of this stranger. He wanted to cuddle deeper into the embrace and close his eyes, letting himself getting comforted and soothed. Instead he did the exact opposite.

“Get off me, let go”, he said strenuously and wiggled his limbs to free them. Something was trying to claw itself out of his intestines, eating his heart on the way. The stranger just hold on harder and soon Harry wasn’t able to move at all.

“Sh, calm down. You are in distress, I won’t let go until I know that you won’t just hurt yourself out off panic”, his voice was deep and his chest vibrated while he spoke. Harry wanted to lean into it, was it Harry who wanted this or his other side? He wasn’t so sure. The statement made him want to just rage more and fight against this man. Who was he to give him orders? But on the other side, he was right, he needed to calm himself. Harry took in a deep breath, in, out, letting the anger go.

“Thank you for saving me”, Harry said, suddenly feeling timid. The stranger started rubbing circles on his back. First Harry wasn’t sure why he would do that, it was a weird thing to do. Who in their right mind would rub a stranger’s back? Soon, he realized it was because his eyes had filled with tears which threatened to spill over. Why was he crying, like what the fuck? He was a man and man don’t cry and get comforted by other man, well don’t they? He had never seen Ron or Dean cry and his last thought was to embrace them if they did. Maybe a manly hug, but more? A friendly pat on the shoulder, a reassuring smile with the silent promise to never tell anyone and to forget this ever happened.

“Do not thank me for that, little one”, he said, his chest vibrating again. “Now tell me, why did you call me?”, he continued loosening his hold a little.

“Calling you? I didn’t, honestly, I don’t even know who you are let alone how I could have possibly called you. Phones don’t even work in Hogwarts”, Harry said, confusion clear in his voice, his eyebrows scrunched together. Let alone he wouldn’t even have a phone. The Dursleys would never have spent so much money on him. It was not sad, not really.

He just realized that his hands rested on the stranger’s chest and retracted them like burned. Instead he intertwined them in his lap fiddling with his fingers and tugging on the skin around his fingernails.

“You really don’t know, do you? Well, it is not my place to tell you then, just know little one, we will meet again”, he exclaimed, resting his chin on Harry’s head. His chin was sharp and was dipping into his scalp but it did not hurt. It was such an intimidate gesture. Harry truly did feel home in this stranger’s embrace, but why was that? If any other man did embrace him like this, he sure would freak out and call him a pervert. How was this one different? His other side that was the answer to the question. His other side almost clinking itself to this man like a drowning person to a lifebelt. It made Harry uncertain, could he really trust this man, could he trust himself?

“Don’t go”, Harry blurred out and his cheeks turning red. The words had left his mouth without his doing and he quickly shut it. His lips were pressed together forming a thin line. He was trying to prevent anything else from coming out.

The man tightened his hug a little, then let go. Harry thought that he would get up now but instead the man tugged his hair behind his ears. A small gesture, but then he pulled his ear conch forward, tracing something that was not there on his skin.

“Strange”, he muttered, then repeated the same procedure with Harry’s other ear. Uneasy Harry pulled away and scrambled onto his feet trying to put distance between them. In reality, he wanted to close the space between their bodies. He noticed that it had become easier to supress these strange urges.

“You don’t have it. I don’t know how that can be. I must go now, little one. Do not call me again for such trifle thing. Maybe this will be our first and last encounter”, the man said while he got up as well. The tone in his voice had changed, it had become repelling and uninterested. It felt as if every word was engraved into Harry’s brain to always remember. His other side was distressed by the rejection, whimpering in some corner of his mind. Its feeling was so strong that they also twisted his insides like a wet rag was twisted to squeeze out the water.

If Harry hadn’t sawn it, he wouldn’t have believed it. The man who was by the way very tall, walked to the near by tree, stepped into its shadow and was gone. Before he vanished, he threw a glance at Harry, piercing his soul. Or at least the part of his soul that belonged to his other self.

* * *

The library was a place of silence. Long old book shelves framed the walls and stood in neat rows throughout the whole hall. Students used the library to study and catch up with homework, maybe even hide behind a shelf and steal a kiss or two. Mrs. Prince used the library as a second living room. She made sure that everything was in order and that the students behave, that the library remained a place of silence.

Harry used the library as a place to hide from reality. Currently he sat in a hidden corner of the room, legs curled in and shoes on the chair. If Mrs. Prince would see it, - well she didn’t and that was better for Harry. Harry wasn’t working on his homework, he wasn’t studying, he was here for the silence. He didn’t want to talk to anybody right now. Ron and Hermione had annoyed him with their bickering. The common room had been too loud. And later he had to go to Snape for the lessons. He dreaded just the thought of it. Maybe if he talked to Dumbledore again, or if he just didn’t go- no, he knew it was all for vain. All he would do was anger them further. And angry people did stupid thing, he knew from his Uncle.

Harry sighed, he felt weak, he noticed that he just couldn’t seem to eat a lot at meal times. He just didn’t have an appetite; all the food just didn’t look good to him and the smell made him nauseous. He forced himself to eat but it didn’t help much. Then he couldn’t sleep at night. His other side was restless as if it was waiting for something or rather someone. But he didn’t know for what of whom. It was exhausting. He knew that he could keep that up.

The encounter with the strange but handsome man resurfaced in his mind. Whenever he thought of him, he felt a longing that was rooted very deep within him. It felt as if it wasn’t possible to life without him and even trying would be ridiculous. The warm feeling of his arms around him hurt to thing about but he couldn’t get it out of his mind, couldn’t forget.

What was it that he didn’t have? After the encounter he had looked behind his ears in a mirror as well but didn’t find anything. Which on second thought was totally logical because the man had clearly said that he “didn’t have it”. Whatever “it” was. He would never find out, he guessed.

But what if the guy was right and he would meet him again? Under what possible circumstances could he meet him again or ever would? His head hurt form all the thinking but despite the headache he couldn’t come up with a scenario. Meeting him shopping in the Diagon Ally, likely not. Meeting him eating an ice cream in Hogsmeade, likely not. Meeting him in-

“Hey Harry”, a light voice said and Harry looked up from his chair, startled. He thought he had hidden good enough. There stood Ginny, beautiful Ginny. She smiled at him, it lit up her face and made her look even more pretty. Harry smiled back, he liked Ginny, not only because she was Ron’s brother but also because she seemed to be a good friend. Maybe he could talk about his problems with her and hear here side?

“Hey Ginny, how are you?”, he asked equally quiet. “Do you want to sit down?”, he asked and gestured at the chair in front of him. Instead, Ginny sat down next to him. She was so close that he could smell the faint odour of her shampoo. It smelled nice but was something he couldn’t place. He imagined what the shampoo bottle would have written on it. “Sea salt” “Algae” maybe? He had never been at the ocean, so he wouldn’t know what it smelled like but it smelled like how he imagined it would.

“Good, and you? Are you hiding?”, she answered playfully and touched his arm. Harry laughed awkwardly and shrugged her hand off, it fell down onto her own lapin a disappointed gesture.

“You got me”, he said sheepishly. “I needed a break from Ron and Hermione” Ginny laughed. Harry strayed further from the thought of telling Ginny of the mysterious man.

“You too? They should get together already. Everybody can see the affection between them.”

“Apparently everybody but the two of them”, he countered jokingly. Ginny laughed again. Harry looked at her, was she jinxed? She behaved strangely, he sure was funny, but that funny? Her hand was on his arm again and she looked at him from under her lashes. She big doe eyes bored into his and he turned away because he couldn’t stand the intensity anymore. What was up with her?

“Harry, I was thinking, well thinking about you and me and I came to the conclusion that I like you. Like- really like you”, she said, almost whispered. Harry shifted his weight in his seat uncomfortably. He didn’t like where that was going.

“Ginny, I need to interrupt you right there. I like you as well but not in a romantic way. You are Ron’s little sister, you are like a sister to me as well”, he said quickly before she could say what he dreaded to hear. Her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth was gaping. Her hands were clawed around the arms of the chair she was sitting on. Her knuckles were white. It looked like if she got up and leave now, her fingers would stay behind, curled around the polished wood. He knew that it was not nice to reject her like that but he thought that it would be better than making her false hopes. Letting her dream and crush on him just for him to crush her dreams and hopes.

“But Harry, I thought, I thought you felt the same for me? Couldn’t we just try?”, she said with a shaking voice. He felt pity for her. He knew what it felt like being rejected, he knew the bitter taste afterwards, the hurting chest. Trying to be comforting, Harry put his hand on hers.

“Ginny, I- “, Harry was interrupted when Ginny’s mouth laid itself on his. Her lips were soft and tasted salty from her tears. It was not horrible but Harry didn’t like it either. It was unpleasant but not repulsive. But then, he felt his other side flinch, recoil and cry inside of him. As if hit by lightening Harry’s body flew back, repulled from Ginny’s warm body. Every fiber in his being hurt, screamed. He almost fell off his chair. A gasp escaped his lips. He wanted to cry, he felt violated, dirty, impure. Logically he knew that it was silly that he was overreacting. It was just Ginny, Ron’s sister with the silly crush on him. Sooner or later it would have come to this, no surprise there. Since his change in the summer although a lot has changed. He was not just Harry anymore, he was just Harry and a wild, different Harry at once. He needed to balance his new instincts as well. And now he wanted to flee, he wanted to scrub his skin off, rip his lips off and never see Ginny again.

“You shouldn’t have done that”, Harry forced out and stood up abruptly. The chair fell down behind him with a loud noise and the silence of the library was disturbed. Ginny sobbed loudly. He ran away, like a coward? Form an outside perspective that could be assumed but knowing souls wouldn’t judge. 

* * *

Until his appointment with Snape Harry wandered the halls of Hogwarts avoiding everyone. He only stopped at a bathroom to wash his face and his lips to get rid off some of the dirtiness. It was hard to keep in the tears. He reminded himself that he was a boy and boys knowingly didn’t cry.

Harry stayed in the upper floors where it was the most likely not to meet students. At this time most were in their common room or at dinner which Harry decided to skip. He did that lately, skipping meals. He couldn’t bear the faces anymore, the chattering and the pretending. It had gotten to him. Maybe he will go to breakfast tomorrow, or he could just raid the kitchen, Dobby surly would equip him with enough food. Probably, he will go to the kitchens instead of attending breakfast. Hermione and Ron will start to ask questions, rightly so. He just hoped that he could avoid that until he had a better plan or an idea what was going on with him. The next time he was going to go to the library he should use the time for recherche. A cold feeling laid itself on his skin when thinking about the library. Ginny, the person he was avoiding thinking about. What should he do? Pretending like it never happened? How very Gryffindor of him. She was still Ron’s sister; they were bound to speak at some point. What if she told someone? Well, what would she tell? “I kissed him but he just sees me as a sister?” That doesn’t sound as bad as he imagined it. He would just say the truth if someone asked him about it. No big deal. It is not like something more happened-

The other side of him whimpered, growled and curled into itself. It was within him, frying his thoughts, igniting a fire of self-loath. This doesn’t make sense! It doesn’t make sense, he thought for himself. He was not human anymore, his emotions and thoughts were not his own anymore but he thought, he was still just Harry? The very essence of his being was still the same? It was throwing him just so off that something like a kiss was such a big deal for his other side now. And the other side was still him and thus he himself felt disgusted by Ginny. Little cute Ginny who he had grown to like. Over the summer he had fantasised about her, about her kissing him. How he would be even more a part of the Weasley family. His other side was being irrational, illogical. He tried to supress it; it had no use anyways.

Time to go to the old git, he thought and sighed audible. What a drag, he’d rather curl up in bed and not show himself to anyone. He looked at the floor, old dusty stone floor, his shoes, worn but still acceptable, pant legs at the right length thanks to- he walked against a stone wall, or at least that was what it felt like. Before he could fall back strong arms encircled him and hold on. From under his lashed he looked up. His breath, it was stuck in his lungs.

“Nott”, he whispered faintly. He felt oddly comfortable. His chest grew warm, his stomach fluttered. Not like butterflies but rather angry mutant butterflies trying to escape in a wild panic. It was different than with the other man he had met at the lake but pleasant nonetheless.

“Ah Potter, are you getting back to me in terms of your offer on the train?”, Nott asked and flashed him a smile. “I am not sure though if I wear the right underwear for that. Let me check”, he said and made a show pretending to beep into his own pants. His other arm stayed firmly around Harry, not budging. Harry’s cheeks filled with hot blood and he struggled against the hold. He felt hot but his hands were ice cold and started to get clammy.

“The fuck, Nott? Let me go”, Harry growled and tried to get out of the hold. Nott let him go like a hot potato. Rubbing his arm where the Slytherin had hold him he glared at him. “Shouldn’t you curse me or something? I thought flirting with Gryffindors was not very high on the Slytherin’s agenda” His other side felt the lost of warmth. It yearned.

“Well, maybe not on the Slytherin’s agenda but perhaps on mine”, Nott whispered and leaned against the wall. Some strands of his hair fell into his eyes but it didn’t seem to bother him. Harry bit his lip subconsciously and turned his eyes away when he couldn’t stand the intensity of Nott’s eyes anymore. He had always thought that they were black but, in this light, they looked more like purple.

“I need to go, Snape is waiting for me”, he pushed out quickly to escape the situation. He didn’t know what to do or how to feel. The only thing he could say with certainty was that his other side really enjoyed the attention of Nott and that scared him. It scared him what it would make him do.

“Wait, Harry”, Nott said. Harry turned around more out of reflex than anything. “Call me Theo”, he called after him. His smile was mesmerizing. Honestly, Harry couldn’t tell his feelings apart anymore.

It was not like by the lake where he had been able to act against his urges, or rather the urges of his other self? It was like his body needed to be close to Theo- Nott to exist. Not being close to him equals not existing. Not existing equals to not worth living. Not worth living equals to good chance to possible death. Harry can’t believe that he actually thought that.

In the end, Harry arrived too late at Snape’s office. When he proceeded to knock, the portrait door already swung open and revealed something straight out of nightmares. An angry Snape. Harry swore himself to never be late again, not even for Nott. We will see, was something his other side whispered wordlessly. Harry swallowed hard. Maybe he was developing a second personality?

“Potter, here I was thinking how generous of me it was to continue teaching an insolent brat like yourself. Maybe he will exert himself, for once, I thought. Well, Potter, you haven’t changed a bit over the summer. You are just like your father. Now, come in and don’t waste anymore of my precious time”, Snape bawled. Harry wanted to bolt, back away, run into Nott’s arms. No, he didn’t want that, what a weird and equally disgusting thought. It had come from his other side. Typical.

“I am sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again”, Harry mumbled and stumbled in, closing the portrait behind him. It was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do. Too late. Mow he had to endure the torture.

“We will see. Now, we are both here again because your mind is weak. Even though you knew of the Dark Lord’s capability to use his and your bond against you, to implant false visions, manipulate you and let you dance to his plans, you still fell for it. You went on a wild goose chase and your no-good godfather had to save you and now see what it gotten people trying to save you. They somehow all wind up dead”, Snape spit out tauntingly trying to fetch a reaction out of Harry. Harry grit his teeth and glared at his Professor. He knew what Snape was doing and it was working. It riled him up and later he won’t be able to concentrate to reflect the mind attack. But it also hurt, thinking of Sirius hurt that is why he avoided the thoughts of his godfather.

“Yes, you are right, Professor. It was all my fault that is why we are here, isn’t it?”, Harry sneered back, hands balled into fists. It was hard to restrain himself, to limit himself. He forcefully unclenched his fists.

“At least you are able to realize your wrong doings, for once at least”, Snape choked something out that could have been a laugh. “Now, we will start, no delays anymore”, Snape said and drew his wand. Hot, cold, hot cold, hot fear running through Harry’s veins, cold dread laying itself on Harry’s skin. He knew how it will go from past experiences. “Ready yourself, clear your mind. Legilimens.”

Then the world turned upside down, then the world turned dark.

Ginny’s soft lips on his own. Her sobs. – Shoving inside his head, poking. Pain - The feast, himself poking in his food, a nauseous feeling, a fake smile. - A cold mist trying to infuse every of his memories- His room at the Dursley’s. Curtains down, dimly lit. Bed untidy. “Boy, get your lazy ass down here and make breakfast!” – A burning fire, trying to consume his mind – Roaring pain going through his body in waves. Changing him. Breaking his bones. Mending his bones and breaking them all over again. – A wave washing over him, drowning him in his own mind – Petunia in front of him, angry, bitter, face formed into a grotesque visage. A hand raised –

No, he couldn’t, he had to stop! It hurt, it was like his mind was extending out, his magic going haywire. A bust, then it was over.

Harry was doubled over, breathing going in hard intervals. Snape stood in front on him, holding his head.

“Took you are too long Potter”, he said dryly to overplay his own discomfort. “Let’s try again. Legilimens” The problem was that Snape’s wand was not directly pointed at Harry but slightly off. The spell misfired. Harry used the time to straighten himself.

“I am ready, Professor”, he exclaimed quietly. His hands were gripping the sides of his pants, shaking a little.

“Do not mock me, Potter”, Snape said. The next spell hit him right on. Harry stood there, motionless, waiting for the pain, for the memories to replay, for something. Nothing happened. Snape still stood in front of him like a toy someone forgot to recharge. “Stop moving, Potter. Just take the damn spell! Legilimens!” Snape almost cried the words out infuriated. The spell hit full of expectations. Harry still stood there dumbfounded. He wasn’t going to complain but this was differently strange, weird and unexpected.

“What have you done? Legilimens, legilimens, legilimens” one after another hit Harry right onto his chest, dead center. Nothing, nothing, nothing. “Out Potter, get out!” Harry had not other thoughts than to obey the order. He fled the office.

* * *

Sitting next to Ron in Potion’s class had been a mistake. With every breath passing loudly through Ron’s mouth Harry wanted to strangle him and thus disabling him to ever breath again. It was as if a pug was sitting next to him, nose crippled. Ron’s gaze was directed towards professor Slughorn but it seemed like he didn’t see him. His back was slouched making him look rather stupid. Then there was his leg. It was see-sawing, making the whole stained covered table vibrate slightly. Up and down, down and up, Ron’s left leg was moving. Harry wanted to amputate it and stick it in one of the cauldrons in front of them.

The table in front of him had many traces of spilled potions. It was discoloured and looked like magic was the only thing holding it together. On top of a particular nasty stain laid his new Potions book. “Advanced Potion-Making” it read as the title. Or rather his new, old used Potions book. It looked rough around the edges, the corners were jaded and it looked all in all more used than the copy Ron had snatched. The self-pleased smirk Ron had shoot him was still in his mind. But that had been not the only difference, when Harry had opened the cover page it had written “This Book is the Property of the Half-Blood Prince” on it. The handwriting was like the web of an spider expanding over the page. Thin, elegant but also oddly dangerous and a little creepy. The book itself was filled with the handwriting. Maybe the half-blood Prince had been bored in Potions class just as much as he had always been? Maybe snarky comment about the professor, creative dark sketches and comics of hated classmates? But no, they were something else entirely.

He heard Slughorn’s voice stop, he didn’t even listen what he had said. He only saw that the fifteen or what students in the classroom had gotten up. Quickly, Harry scrambled onto his feet trying not to fall over his two left feet. Ron and Hermione were already by the Professor, Ron looking still as bored spacing off, Hermione starring intensely at the cauldron as if she could laser analyse the potions within. Harry’s glance was drawn to Nott who was also standing in the crowd of students, Malfoy next to him. Malfoy was oddly pale, paler than he usually was, dark circles framing his eyes. He now saw as well that he was not the only one who had lost weight.

Malfoy snapped his head up, seizing him with his glance, glaring at him. The hate, the dissatisfaction and utter despair in them made Harry tumble backwards as if he was hit physically.

“Mr. Potter, take care, we don’t want to spill these potions, don’t we?”, Professor Slughorn said and chuckled. “Why don’t you go to the other students?”, he suggested. Harry nodded and proceeded to stand right by Hermione, avoiding to look over to Nott how he wanted to. It was hard to push past the desire.

“Who of you can tell me what kind of potions are assembled here? Go on, take a closer look”, Slughorn said and waved to the table. Harry was drawn to one of them. The surface of the potion shimmered prettily in a mother-of-pearl sheen. His legs brought him closer than he wanted but he was engrossed with the portion he didn’t realize.

His eyes closed on their own accord. The sound of the chattering students became a background noise. He breathed deep in. He smelled ash and wood, salt and wind, dark fresh berries, sand and fire. All of these smells hit him at once, filling him up to the brim and overstimulating his mind. His other side which had been quiet so far urged him to breathe in again. And again. And again. It was addicting. It was taking over all his other senses, he wanted to lose himself, never going to let go.

A Hand on his shoulder gently pulled him back. Harry opened his eyes on reflex and looked at the tall dark-haired Slytherin. Nott looked at him with gentle eyes, the corners of his mouth pulled down in concern.

“Harry, you shouldn’t lose yourself like that”, Nott said quietly. Harry quickly scanned his surroundings, nobody was looking at them, not even Malfoy. On the one hand he was angry that Nott pulled him away, dared to think to know what was better for him. On the other hand, he liked that the boy was worried for him, thinking of him.

“It just smelled so good”, Harry said and shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn’t a big deal. Nott dropped his hand back to his side, scratching the back of his hand with his other. It was easy too see that he was hiding some serious muscles under his school uniform. The white-collar shirt tightened noticeably around his biceps. Harry thought that it was rather disturbing that he noticed. Since when was he looking out for that?

“What did you smell?”, Nott asked. Obviously, he knew something that he, Harry, didn’t. It was rubbing Harry the wrong way but he didn’t want to be snappy and moody when Nott was being civil.

“What did you smell?”, Harry started the counter-question to not having to answer the actual question. Nott seemed to humour him.

“I smell the fresh and crisp night air and wet earth”, Nott answered, his nostrils flaring like he was still having the smell in his nose. “You know what kind of potions this is, don’t you?” Harry shook his head because he felt like Nott was not mocking him but genuinely asking the question. “The potions is called Amortentia, it is a strong love potion, if not the strongest if I recall correctly. It is said that the fumes smell of what you find the most attractive. I guess I like nightly strolls in the woods”, Nott said and grinned charmingly. Harry laughed, but stopped it s soon as it was out of his mouth. The other students seemed to still ignore them. A quick glance to Slughorn and he saw that the Professor would start teaching again soon.

“I guess I like bonfires on a sandy beach while eating fruit”, Harry said after he thought for a second about it. He smiled at Nott, knowing that he hadn’t really said the truth but hadn’t really lied either. Nott smiled as well but it looked a little strained.

When Slughorn started speaking again Harry focused his attention back to the Professor, the smell of dark fresh berries still in his nose.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** A stroll in the woods and what is up with Lavender and Ron? 


	4. Direction

**Chapter 4**

He didn’t know why but he had the urge to go out again. Recently he had that often. Well, ever since his change. It was late afternoon and the sky was clear. Since it was Saturday and the weekend and the students were allowed to go to Hogsmeade, he wouldn’t be missed. This morning, he had waited until Ron and Hermione had left for the town and then he had sneak to the castle grounds. He stood close by the lake but he couldn’t really bring himself to go there. He was still a little traumatized by what had happened there a few days ago. Instead, he wanted to go into the forbidden forest. Surely if he didn’t go in too far nobody would care. At least that is what he told himself.

His black cloak was rapped firmly around himself, he tucked on his scarf to make sure that is sat firmly around his neck. A wind gust ruffled up his hair and went through his clothes. He shuttered and quickly pulled out his wand. His fingered were red and the skin on his hands dry from the cold. He conjured his clothes to keep the warmth in and the cold out. He had learned the spell from Hermione, who else? He could feel a difference immediately. Even though his breath still formed little white clouds, the wind wasn’t burning in his face anymore. Nonetheless he sniffed a little, his nose was still runny.

Today the forest looked inviting and warm. The leaves were coloured in pretty colours, various variations of orange and yellow. The forest floor was covered by them as well. It was a little muddy because it had rained the days before but today the sky was clear of any clouds.

When Harry walked into the woods, he felt true freedom when only for a few moments. He breathed in without a weight weighing down on his lungs and his shoulders were straight and pulled back because there was no burden for them to carry. He could smell the rain of yesterday in the air as well as wet earth and wet wood. He could taste the bitterness of the cold and the sweetness of the sun. The strange thought struck him to extend his arms out as if he wanted to hug the world. Although he didn’t do it, he really wanted to.

His feet were carrying him without a destination insight and he liked the feeling of not knowing and it being unimportant. He liked the feeling of not caring because he was always caring too much.

Apropos, Nott’s pretty face surfaced in his mind and he was sure that he blushed a little. One thing was sure, he wasn’t stupid, Nott had been flirting with him. Harry himself wasn’t sure yet if he liked the attention or not. It was nice knowing that someone cared about him, someone would be sad if, no when, he was ever going to decide to end it all. But with attention would come problems, he knew the best that most attention was unwanted attention. Especially with what he had planned to do in the future. His other side howled inside once he had finished the thought. His other side, it liked Nott, very much indeed. He wasn’t sure what to make out of it but couldn’t really bother right now to think about it.

When he thought of Nott, he also thought of the mysterious man who he had met at the lake. Why had he, still did he feel to sad, angry, like he wanted to rip his heart and nervous system out when he was so rejected. Or had he been rejected? It was what his other side told him, this man who he had never seen before, who he didn’t even know the name of, was suppose, just had to care for him, he had to cherish and love him. It didn’t make sense, none of it made sense, really. The whole encounter had been strange and weird and plainly awkward. Surely, he could have defended himself against the creature which had tried to pull him down and even so, how could have been the guy there at the exact right time? He said that he had called him, but did he? Certainly, he didn’t mean by telephone and he hadn’t cried out for help neither, the whole situation was just fishy. His other side withered away thinking about him, it hurt Harry as well even though logically it really shouldn’t.

A rustling, a gentle swishing of the leaves, the sound of a large animal making its way through the trees. Harry’s head shoot up and he searched his surroundings with his eyes, still listening for the sounds as well concentrated. He was no fool, he knew that the forbidden forest was dangerous, thus the name, forbidden forest. He had been too certain, so sure of himself that he would be save because it was the afternoon and nothing bad happens in the afternoon but rather at night, obviously. He had let himself be lulled in by his other self, he could kick himself in the arse for it. If a giant Acromantula came jumping out from under some bushes and makes him it’s afternoon dessert, nobody even knew where to look for his bones. But on the other side, wasn’t this what he wanted? Didn’t he want to die and welcome death into his very being? Now, knowing there was a high probability of him dying in the next five minutes, he wasn’t so sure of that anymore. Every human has it in his being, the sense of self-preservation. The need of survival. Harry was stuck between fight or flight and chose the third option, freeze.

It was rather ridiculous, the sound of some leaves rustling and the vibration of the earth made him a stoic mess, eyes darting from left to right and then left again. Some pearls of sweat were rolling down his back and suddenly he was cold again even though he knew that the warming charm was still intact. His logical mind told him to get out his wand, to get ready to fight but the command didn’t make it from his brain to his nerves and then to his hand. His mouth was dry and in this moment his nose decided it was a good idea to produce a bit more snort. His body shivered, from cold and stress alike. The sound of the animal got louder and louder; it would have reached him in a few moments. His mind blanked.

In hindsight he knew that he should have better known than to freeze, hell he had fought death eaters and giant snakes, he hadn’t even been afraid, this time it shouldn’t have been any different. You never know how your body reacts, do you?

Until now Harry had figured out that the sound was coming from hooves. And there was a limited number of creatures with hooves, he was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be a Satyr. A Unicorn was unlikely was well, they were distrustful creatures. Thus, he was only mildly surprised when a Centaur walked into his line of sight.

The big creature assessed him, looked him up and down and Harry felt like he was a guinea pig.

“Tell me Childe, on which quest do you dare to venture into these woods. Has thy school not told thou about the dangers lurking within?”, the Centaur spoke in a deep voice which seemed to echo from every tree surrounding them. At first, he was surprised at the speech the centaur used but then he remembered the conditions under which they lived and he wasn’t so surprised anymore. Telling the centaur that he knew Firenze was probably not a good idea either considering that he had been casted out by his own herd. He decided to just play along.

“No quest has carried my feed here but the mind of a thoughtless wanderer. Tell me, where is the way home, I am afraid I am lost”, Harry answered. His voice was still a little shaky from the fright earlier but he tried his best to surpass it. For good measures he smiled at the half-horse, half-human creature. The centaur had long dark hair with looked wild and knotted. Its fur was very dark as well but was shine in comparison. The centaur looked old but not like an old man. Harry couldn’t spot a grey hair on him and his face was relatively wrinkle free. But he had something serious about him, something ominous and mysterious.

“I saw your arrival in the star, late one night. My companions wouldn’t believe me like I didn’t dare to believe myself. Now, here thee are, standing before me, not belonging in any of the four cardinal directions but not without direction. I knew thou would come but not did I know thou would wear the skin of a Childe”, the centaur cited. Shivers ran down his back and the little hairs on his arms erected themselves. He didn’t quite understand what exactly the centaur had said but he knew that he was one step closer to understanding what he was. This centaur knew something.

“If you saw my arrival honourable centaur, do you know what I am? Tell me please”, Harry begged. He needed to know, everything in him was burning towards knowing what he had turned into, what he really was.

“It is not destined for thee to be told thy inheritance by me. But fear not Childe, soon it will be revealed. Until then, be careful what desires thou fulfills”, the centaur said and turned around. Harry couldn’t believe his eyes but the centaur just galloped away. What a jerk, leaving him stupid riddles, like what desires did he even fulfill, and then just ran away. Typical, centaurs just talk a lot but weren’t big on gestures. Know he had found his way back on his own.

* * *

It was Sunday evening, and the common room was busy. A fire was lightening up the room and giving off a pleasant heat. It seemed to be a popular spot to sit in front of it because that is where most students were. Harry sat in one of the sofas, Hermione next to him. She was reading a book but she hadn’t actually turned a page in quite a good time now. He could see that she was looking over to him every so now and often. He wasn’t really bothered by the act itself but what it meant. It meant that Hermione knew that something was going on, that something was wrong with him, that she was worrying, that she was going to ask questions.

“What is up with Lavender?”, Harry asked to distract Hermione and nodded in the general direction of the blond girl. Lavender sat in an armchair looking pale and cheeks sunken in. In her hand was a red apple, she was looking longingly at it. Every time she guided the fat apple to her bloodless lips, her arm sank down again like she decided otherwise. This was happening for at least 30 minutes now. 

“Oh, it is terrible, Harry. Since Lavender arrived to Hogwarts, she can’t eat or when she does, she can’t keep it down. She already went to Madame Pomfrey but she couldn’t find anything wrong with Lavender. Madame Pomfrey told her to keep trying eating and if it doesn’t get any better to come back again tomorrow. Some say that this is another scheme of Lavender’s to get attention”, Hermione explained, looking up from her book. Harry could see the pity in Hermione, he felt pity as well for the girl who always was so annoying. It was a sad sight, really.

In exact this moment Lavender looked up and their eyes meet. For a moment they just looked at each other but then Lavender looked away, leading the apple to her lips once more. The red skin of the fruit rested on her dry cracked lips. Her tongue darted out, desperate to taste anything and licked the apple. Harry turned away, looking at Hermione again.

“You know, you don’t look much better than Lavender. When was the last time you ate anything? I can’t remember the last time I saw you in the great hall”, Hermione said matter-of-factly. Pointing out the obvious, are we? Harry thought but really, he was afraid of having to answer.

“I just go earlier now. You know, funny that you mention it, I haven’t seen neither Ron nor you at the great hall as well. Is everything alright with you two?”, Harry asked and hoped that the diversion would work.

“Harry, do not mess with me. I know that you haven’t been going. I see the dark circles underneath your eyes, you have lost weight. What is up with you? Sometimes I try to talk with you but your eyes are glazed over and it seems like you don’t even recognize that I am standing right beside you. Harry, you can trust me”, Hermione pleaded at the end. Harry wanted to tell he so desperately. He needed a confidential friend, someone who he can vent his problems to. But did he deserve it? Could he really tell Hermione everything or would she think that he was a freak? Would she accept, even his weird attractions to guys, or would she turn on him and tell the whole school. He wouldn’t know.

The silver of his skin shimmered prettily in the light of the chimney fire. The silver ran over his skin in mysterious patterns, encircling his long thin fingers. He looked at Hermione again, she didn’t seem to see the silver, the weirdness and maybe even freakishness about him. He was sure the silver markings were the strongest on his face, she didn’t see them. How could he tell her if he had no proof?

“I am fine, Hermione. Really, stop nagging”, Harry tried to convince her and maybe himself. The last part he said in a joking manner to try lighten up the mood. He didn’t even believe himself. He couldn’t stand looking at Hermione any longer and turned to look at his hands again. With a finger he traced the silver lining. Why him?

“Harry, I don’t- “, Hermione stopped speaking when the portrait door was thrown open. Ron marched in, angry, furious and dressed in his Quidditch attire. His face was red from the cold wind outside. His red and gold cloak hung a little crooked on him.

“Harry, what the hell? Where were you? We had Quidditch try-outs and you just decide not to show up? You knew for at least two weeks that it would be today, we talked about it!”, Ron practically screamed at his best, after this maybe not so best, mate. Harry flinched back; loud voices still got this reaction out of him. Vernon had thought him that nothing good would come from loud screaming.

Spell-shocked Harry sat on the sofa; all blood drained from his cheeks but he could feel the heat rising within him. He knew, he had known but he had decided not to go. He didn’t want to, too much stress, too much attention, too much effort, too much everything.

“Ron, I am sorry but- “, Harry started but didn’t get the chance to finish. Ron made a slashing motion through the air, loosing one of his thick leather gloves on the way.

“No Harry, I needed you, I needed your support and you couldn’t even do that for me. What is up with you? You have been strange for the past few weeks. I don’t know if I can let you on the team if I can’t trust you”, Ron proclaimed and looked at Harry intensely. Hurt was written all over his face, his lips pinched together. Harry’s emotions were conflicted, relieve, maybe he didn’t need to make up an excuse for why he couldn’t play Quidditch, guilt, he should have told Ron, hurt as well, shame.

“Ron, stop screaming at Harry! Don’t you see that he is not well? I personally am not surprised that he didn’t show up, you are behaving like a git!”, Hermione said loudly and jumped to her feet. Now Ron and Hermione started arguing.

Harry used the opportunity to slip out of the common room and through the portrait. The fat Lady shut the door behind him and once Harry heard the reassuring sound, he started running. Just away, away. His hurried steps echoing on the stone wall for every one to hear.

* * *

The wind was blowing through his hair, making it even more messy. Harry breathed in, it smelled like rain, dirt, grass and woods. He held his breath, for a second the world around him stopped as well and there was just him and peace. When he let the breath go, the illusion was gone as well. Harry opened his eyes. The sky was dark, it looked like it was about to rain. The treetops were moving in unison with the wind. He could see some people playing Quidditch at the Quidditch field. Everything looked so small and insignificant.

This, this was his way out. He often came here because he liked the feeling this place gave him. Here was no pressure, no expectations. This was the place freeing him of any burdens, this place gave him the control back. He often toyed with the thought of just jumping. Sometimes he sat at the edge of the tower and just let his feet dangle over the railing. It was stupid, it was careless, it was what kept him going. Just to know that there was a way out, a secret place where he could go when he just couldn’t anymore. When everything got over his head.

Toady was one of those days. Ron had really turned his mood. He had woken up excited for the coming day and now he was even dreading the night. He sat on the railing, feet dangling in the abyss. From up here everything down there looked so small. He wondered, if he jumped, would he look just as small? As a gooey mess on the grass, limbs bend in unnatural ways and blood scattered everywhere. His skull would be crushed and his pink brain would paint the ground. He imagined how his friends would react, Hermione would cry, say how much she had loved him, liar, Ron would brag about being his best friend for weeks, grieving, liar, Ginny would say that she loved him, that he had loved her as well, liar. He would need to write a final letter, saying why he did it. But there was no real reason. He wasn’t doing it for attention, obviously, he will be dead and unable to enjoy the spotlight, he wasn’t doing it for Sirius, even though it will be nice to be reunited with him again, and his parents in fact, no. The truth was, there was no reason. There was no problem to be solved, presuming you didn’t count him as the problem.

Ron, screaming at him, Hermione’s concerned face, Ginny’s soft lips on his, the stranger by the lake, Theo. Theo who was caring for him, he didn’t have to, in fact it would be disadvantageous for him considering that he was a Slytherin. 

On days like these he imagined what it would be like to be dead. When he was younger, he tried to imagine the universe without himself in it. Was it like sleeping, you still exist without knowing you do? Would you be dreaming or was it a deep sleep, were you only realize how deep you have slept when you woke up. Only, this time, there won’t be an awakening. Harry liked to picture death like a cloud. You leave all your burden and emotions behind; death lifts you up high into the sky and suddenly, you see everything from above. You would feel light, maybe even happy. The cloud would feel soft, maybe like a soft blanket. And there are no worries, no guilt, no shame. There is just you and the soft cloud.

When in thoughts like this, Harry almost jumps. Almost let’s go. But this time it was different. Normally, there were his worries, guilt, anger holding him back. Now, now there was something else. The other part awoken in him was gripping onto life and didn’t want to let go. It was the part which was looking for completeness. This was new for Harry, never had he felt it before. The new part of him, it hurt as well. It was longing for the missing parts in him but its solution was not death but rather life. It wanted to live. Harry was astonished. When ever he was hurting, crying, ashamed, he wished for death. This… this thing, this new side of him… it was hurting, longing, desperate and was holding on to life? The dichotomy was tearing him apart.

His other side had influenced him a great deal since it had come into existing. Sometimes he thinks it didn’t want him happy, why would it forbid him from touching women otherwise? Why does it push him towards Nott? It has to end.

Harry fell backwards from the railing onto the cold stone floor of the tower. He curled up and hugged his skinny legs. He hurt so much inside, his ribcage was torn open and his insides were ripped out of him. Harry clawed his face, holding his breath and trying to press out a silent scream at the same time. He wanted it to just stop. He was trying to hold back tears which had no qualification for existing. His face must have gotten red. He didn’t care, he was just glad to be alone. When he thought he couldn’t hold his breath any longer, he let go and sucked in another shaky breath. Then he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

He was sobbing and not the cute kind of sobbing were girls squeeze out a tear or two and look adorably helpless while doing so. Harry sobbed while snot was dripping out of his nose. The noises he made while sob after sob shook up his body were less than cute. He couldn’t help it, he wanted to stop but he found himself breathless while crying. He didn’t know where this came from, there was no reason at all. No current on anyways. If, Ron had every right to be upset, harry had failed him after all. It had been foolish to think that he could give up Quidditch without anyone being upset. Ron had to right to do so much more and Harry should just take it. He was the cause of the problem. With shaky hands he gripped his knees, holding on to something, needing to hold onto something. Some unknown force was ripping his insides into shreds and leaving gaping holes. He wanted it to stop, he wanted it to stop, he wanted it to stop, he wanted it to stop, he wanted it to-

Strong arms curled around him and pulled him to a firm chest. Harry’s breath hitched but then the next sob hit him and he could just cry and drool on to the stranger. This was so embarrassing, which sixteen-year-old wanted to be caught crying? Alone? Covered in snot? Not a single one. The males especially, Harry guessed. But this stranger, he smelled really good, Harry noted, like dark berries, it was familiar. He wasn’t making fun of him, he didn’t laugh at him, he just pulled him closer and made soothing sounds. The sound was strange, Harry thought. Like a humming and vibrating of the chest at the same time. Never before had he heard a sound like this before but it seemed to work, at least a little.

His large hand drew circles on his back. It is familiar, like the stranger from the lake but Harry could tell that it wasn’t him. What was it with guy patting his back? Without his doing, he breathing has gotten slower and deeper again. Then he could think straight again. It was odd, a stranger holding him, only, it didn’t feel wrong per se. In contrary in fact, it felt so soothing and suddenly he realized that this was the only true hug he had ever gotten in his whole life. That this was what he had longed for. He wanted to cry all over again because it felt so good.

Harry didn’t want to look up, didn’t want to see who caught him, didn’t want this moment to end. The stranger was still rubbing his back, was still holding him, yes him, close. And once again he noticed the smell. Like fresh dark berries.

“Do you feel better now?”, the voice was dark and rich like chocolate. Harry couldn’t but relax. He nodded against the chest because he didn’t trust his voice. “What was this about? You didn’t want to jump, did you?”, the strange asked, sounding worried. Who would worry about him, who would care?

“No, not this time”, he said quietly, almost muttering, muffling his voice in the T-Shirt. The man tightened his arms around him. It was not a true lie because he hadn’t been sure himself but it had been a real possibility.

“Good, would be a shame if you were gone”, the strange said and Harry felt like it was a lie. Looking up, he saw that Nott was holding him and strangely it didn’t bother him.

“You barely know me, why would you care?”, Harry muttered and turned his head away again because Nott’s eyes were piercing through him again.

“I know you better than you realize”, Nott said and Harry could hear an amusement in them.

“Did you stalk me?”, Harry asked and leaned a little away so that he could look at the Slytherin better. He raised an eyebrow, feeling a lot better already.

“Stalking, me? No, such a Muggle thing to do. I merely looked out for you. You have a very expressive face, do you know?”, Nott said and Harry wasn’t sure if he was kidding or if he was serious.

“Well, please don’t”, Harry said.

“That is harder than you think, I am afraid I would fail”

* * *

Theodor Nott had been at the dinner table when he felt it. He was just about to drink when this pain and sadness which weren’t his own, overwhelmed him. He dropped the gobbled with water. For a moment he watched in slow motion how the gobbled slipped through his fingers and fell through the air. The moment was over and with a loud shattering noise the gobbled hit the floor and water spilled every where. He jumped up. He needed to get out, needed to find the source of pain.

The stair up the tower seemed to be endless. He turned corner after corner and climbed what seemed to be a thousand stairs. He had only one goal in mind, his creature didn’t permit anything else. It urged him to go faster and faster.

Harry fucking Potter laid in his arms and it felt so good. His hair was messy and almost midnight blue. His skin was creamy white, it almost looked silver in the light. He just held on to the boy and never wanted to let go. His creature side let out soothing sounds and Harry responded will to them. He wondered?

Since he first met Harry on the train he was enchanted by the skinny boy. Before, he had never so much than a second glance for the Potter. Now, he wished he could leave it at a second glance, it was more like a constant starring.

It was true, Harry probably was planning on killing himself, his insides pulled together and coiled themselves into a tight ball. Protect, was all his creature side said, and protect he was going to do.

* * *

_I was totally alone. There was no one, just me and the pain I was in, just me and my thoughts. Maybe I deserve this? Maybe this is the punishment for all the wrongs I have done and even though I regretted every one of them and feel deeply ashamed, I can’t change the past. Somehow, I feel empty and sucked dry, I just feel resigned and tired. I have friends, sure, some, but I hate everyone of them. I don’t want to see them; I don’t want to see anybody. Because it is such a drag, such a struggle and too much effort. I want to lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling or at the wall or at the bottom of my covers when I pull them over my head. I want to be alone with my feelings, or rather, the lack of there of, I hate being alone but I also seek it. I feel sucked dry and the shame weighing on my shoulders. I want to stare at the ceiling until my eyes are so dry, there is a reason for tears. I want to give in to the calling, the calling of my own sick mind that it would be a good idea to relieve some stress by destroying myself. I want to cry, because, because… well there really isn’t a reason but it hurts so much. I am empty but only almost. Today I felt happy, I couldn’t stop smiling and I thought of Christmas, the joyous time I would have, it is my birthday in two days, but now. Now, I want to hide underneath my bed and hope that the day or rather the night never ends and that I can stay hidden in the dark, I am afraid of, and stare at the wall. I want to think of nothing and feel nothing, I want to give in to the calling of my own sick mind because I am sucked dry. I want to smile again I want the same happiness from earlier, the bliss before the crash. There is no reason for me to be like I am. There is no reason to cry, no reason to hide. But why, tell me why, do I want to do so, so desperately. I have to paint a smile on my face just not to draw attention. I want help but not from the people I know, I want to avoid them. I want to be alone and drown in self-pity. Because sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe. I feel light-headed. I hate myself. Sometimes I feel nothing for myself. I want the world to leave me alone and I want to stop thinking. To stop my sick mind and lift the shame and doubt and guilt of my shoulders. I just want to exist, just exist and be left alone. Loneliness, where I seek my comfort, even though it hurts. I paint a smile on my face because I am sucked dry and it feels like all the shame and all the guilt of the world is weighing me down and I can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Sometimes I feel happy, sometimes I wish I could trust someone with my stupid feelings for which there isn’t a reason for. Sometimes. I wish the night never ends and that I can stay hidden underneath my bed. I want to stare into the darkness until my eyes are dry and there is a reason to cry._

* * *

**Next Chapter:** Something new will happen and probably something you all have been waiting for! 


	5. Cold Water

** _Hey, _ **   
** _I messed a little with canon events in this chapter, I hope you will forgive me/ like it :)_ **

**Chapter 5**

It was cold in the castle. He wouldn’t be surprised to find frost on his father’s throne. The throne room had always felt cold and distance, as long as he can remember. He didn’t know if it was because his mother’s death, she had died shortly after his birth, or if it had been because of the fate that had chosen his father. Since he can remember, his father had been bitter, drawn into himself, sad.

His mother had to die to gift him with life. When he had been younger, he thought that was why his father was so angry all the time. Because his mother was dead, he lived and she didn’t. When he got older, he learned the real reason. His father was angry, because he didn’t die, because he couldn’t give his life and she had to.

He once asked his father why he was so cold, so bitter. His father had gazed at him with an expressionless expression and lips drawn in a straight line. He had turned his face away, eyes shimmering traitorously.

“You wouldn’t understand, Seyerun”, he had said, voice old and without hope. It was what he always said when Seyerun asked him. Why are you so old? - He wouldn’t understand. But 2000 years was very old, even for them, wasn’t it? - He wouldn’t understand. Why don’t you love me? – He wouldn’t understand. Innocent questions asked by a child. But the answers made the innocent child grow up very fast.

His steps were loudly hearable in the ice hall, click clack. They echoed from the frozen walls which made them much louder than they really were. His father sat in the throne, face as pale as the snow, hair as grey as it becomes in age. He looked at his son, but not really, not taking in his proud and tall stature or his grown-up face, his handsome feature which looked a little bit more like his mother’s than his father’s. Not taking in the tense shoulders or the haunted glance. Just starring straight ahead.

“Where have you been, son?”, he asked, voice as empty as ever only the emotionless coldness giving it a sharp edge. Seyerun flinched when only a little.

“I do now have to respond to you”, he answered a little daring, his father didn’t view him as the grown man he was. When someone life so long a few years were nothing at all.

“I am your king, you respond to me, don’t forget that, son”, the father’s voice echoed through the hall, the volume increased through the ice walls. The “son” sounded more like an insult than anything else. Seyerun dropped onto one knee and bowed his head.

“Yes, my king”, he said from between his teeth. “I was called, a pull, leading me to a strange castle in the human realm and a young boy in need. I left as fast as I could”, he said even though he didn’t want to reveal it to his father.

“A boy? Is he of our kind, and if so, from which kingdom does he hail from?”, the father said leaning forward in his cold throne. In the first time in maybe year he showed interest or anything else than the emotional immobility he had been in.

“He has to be even though it seems the Sheen is still protecting him. He doesn’t have a mark, no kingdom has claimed him”, the son answered. Maybe his father knew how this could be, maybe he had some wisdom to share.

“So, he is newly awoken then, hm. But no mark you said, very strange indeed. If he has called you, you two must be connected by some kind of bond. The mating season starts soon, by then you may meet again”

“But if he as no mark, how will he be able to attend?”, was Seyerun’s concern. The king looked up, sharp eyes, like an eagle’s.

“Well, the council is always quick to snatch the Submissives. And if he was able to call you from the north kingdom into the human realm then I wonder who or rather what he will also attract”, he answered with a strangely sinister smile which caused a cold shiver to run down Seyerun’s back.

* * *

It was weird and utterly confusing, not that he was complaining but very strange indeed. It had happened when Harry had been sneaking through the corridors, classes were already off and he was on he was to the library.

He couldn’t bear the Gryffindor common room anymore, Ron was mad at him, ignored him and showed him the cold shoulder. Hermione was torn between sides, she saw that he, Harry, was not in a condition to play Quidditch and was generally happy that he went into the library so often. Not to study but she didn’t know that, did she? Then there was this other side, Ron, and Hermione liked Ron, like really liked Ron. She understood that Ron felt betrayed and left behind. Ron just couldn’t understand Harry’s decision not to play Quidditch anymore because Quidditch had been everything for him and in hindsight probably the only thing that held him and Harry together. So, Hermione was still friendly to Harry, still sat with him once in a while but mainly stayed with Ron and was making good weather with him. To her account, Harry thought that she was also trying to make Ron forgive him.

Then there was Ginny, Ginny couldn’t look at him anymore. Whenever she saw him in the hall way, she took off into the other direction. Tears glimmering in her eyes. She also looked awfully pale these days. Harry felt guilty, she didn’t deserve this heartbreak but also, he had led her on last year. He just couldn’t change his feelings. Ginny’s behaviour caused Ron to get suspicious, why was his precious baby sister so sad and unresponsive? Well, Harry was the answer.

The result was that Ron was mad at him, all the boy who had fallen for Ginny were mad at him, especially Dean, Hermione was mad at him also because of Ginny, he could have handled it better, and all the rest of the Gryffindors were mad at him because he refused to get back onto a broom. Thus, crippling Gryffindor’s changes of winning the Quidditch cup.

The corridor had been empty, he could feel the hard surface of the stone floors under the thin soles of his shoes. The air in the castle was just as cold as outside and it burned in his lungs. Just stopping to breath would be the easiest solution.

It had surprised him, Snape and Malfoy stood at the end of the hall, whispering and arguing how it looked like. Arms flailing, voices getting louder, Malfoys thin sharp face getting redder, Snape’s hand on the boy’s arm as if trying to calm him down.

Harry wanted to turn around and flee before Snape could see him. But it was too late, Malfoy ran in the opposite direction and Snape walked towards him. How many points will it cost me this time? Harry thought and mentally rolled his eyes. Snape wouldn’t miss a single opportunity to taunt him.

Snape was now right in front of him, he could see the lines in his face, the dry lips and the greasy hair, he could smell the faint sent of potions on him, a mixture of herbs and something disgusting. His black robes flew behind him and made him look like an overgrown bat, Harry’s body tensed, his shoulders cramped in expectation of a tongue lashing.

Then the moment was over, Snape’s eyes didn’t even twitch in his direction treating him like he wasn’t even there. The Professor simply walked pass him as if he was a civil human being, barely imaginable.

Robes flying behind him, leaving behind the potion smell, Harry decided to pull a Malfoy and get as far away from Snape as humanly possible in case Snape decided to turn around and subtract some points.

Before Harry went into the library, he made a stop at the toilets. If nature calls, it calls.

The bathroom was empty and looked clean, it smelled faintly of urine. One of the bathroom stalls was locked but Harry didn’t think anything off it and went to the Pissoirs. When he was done, he made his short way over to the sinks to wash his hands. The cold water hit them and he shivered a little. Why doesn’t Hogwarts have hot water everywhere? True, there was hot water in the showers, otherwise it wouldn’t be possible to shower anyways, but wasn’t Hogwarts suppose to be magical? Was it too much to ask for to get some hot water?

The bathroom stall opened. First Harry didn’t see who it was because he had his back turned. Then the person stepped next to him, pale soft looking hands were held under another stream of cold water. Harry looked up at Malfoy next to him. His eyes were red and looked swollen, his lips cracked and pressed together. The Slytherin didn’t meet his glance. It baffled Harry, since when did Malfoy miss an opportunity to taunt him, to degrade him?

The boy looked so done with the world, tired, thin, stressed. Just like he felt himself. What did Malfoy do to cause this change to his outwards appearance?

Malfoy slipped out of the bathroom as fast as he could with hurried steps and a suspiciously sniffly nose. He hadn’t even used soap. 

* * *

A few days later, Harry sat in the great hall for once. The plate in front of him looked as miserable as he was feeling. Some dry vegetable, some fruit. Water to drink when everybody else was purging on pumpkin juice, alone the thought of it made him sick in his stomach.

Actually, Harry wanted to skip diner again, it wasn’t the food alone anymore. Since Gryffindor shot him cold glares and angry hisses, it was actually funny to watch and hear, they came up with some very inventive insults, over the time it just gets to you. He only attended tonight because Dumbledore wanted to see him afterwards. He had gotten the message this morning and had an uneasy feeling ever since. It crushed his mood and also the little appetite he had.

“Students, I have an announcement to make. Professor Snape has unfortunately fallen sick. The class Defense against the Dark Arts will be cancelled for the next two weeks. Thank you”, Dumbledore spoke in his respect-demanding voice which reached every corner of the great hall. And really, Snape’s seat had remained empty throughout the whole dinner affair.

Harry could tell that is was hard for some students to hold back the wide grins and the cheering. Snape is not a very popular teacher, even some of the Slytherins were smiling, Harry could see. Ron sat a seat a few seats down from him, Hermione next to him. They were laughing, smiling and indulging on the food. It hurt a little watching them. 

* * *

“Ah, Harry, my Boy, do you have your cloak? Yes, I see, then on our merry way we go”, Dumbledore said and his eyes had the grandfatherly sparkle in them. He started walking towards the entrance of the castle. Harry watched him go a little dumbfounded. He hadn’t expected to be leaving the castle at this hour. Dumbledore hadn’t told him what they were going to do or apparently where they were going. At the door Dumbledore stopped, looking back at harry and gestured him to hurry up.

“Come on, we don’t have all night Harry”, he said and Harry hurried to catch up to him. His other side had been quiet for a while but now it was screaming at him to turn around, not to got, not to trust the old man. Harry didn’t know what to do, did he even have a choice? If he turned around right now and went to bed, could Dumbledore drag him out again and force him to go where ever he was going? Probably, maybe.

They walked silently next to each other. Dumbledore’s dark purple robes were rustling gently with every other step. The grass was wet and muddy and smacking underneath their shoes. The weather was mild and not too cold but nonetheless Harry was shivering. It wasn’t because of the weather but because he had a foreboding that something was going to happen that he wouldn’t particularly like. He was acting against his instincts, with every step away from Hogwarts his other side was screaming louder and urged him to turn around. His head started to hurt but he tried to ignore it. Dumbledore had always been like a grandfather to him, what was the worse he was going to do to him? Take him robe shopping or maybe a tour through a lemon drop factory?

As they stepped through the gates of Hogwarts the sun started setting. Dumbledore smiled at him, Harry forced a smile on his face as well, he was pretty sure that it didn’t look very convincing or like a smile at all.

“When we reach Hogsmeade, we will apparate to the location”, Dumbledore explained.

“Where are we going, Sir?”, Harry dared to asked and cleared his throat a little. He looked up to the Headmaster, he didn’t turn around.

“You will see when we get there. But know this, it will be a necessary step in the defeat of Voldemort”, the Headmaster said in his grandfatherly tone, speaking with Harry as if he was six and not sixteen.

When they reached Hogsmeade they saw Madame Rosmerta on the way. Dumbledore greeted her while Harry ducked his head. It was the first time this school year being in Hogsmeade. He hadn’t missed it at all. In the early evening it looked eerie and anything but what it looked lake in the morning or afternoon. It was strange seeing the village without students and all the live and laughter it is usually filled with.

Dumbledore lead him into a dark alleyway by the Hog’s Head. The alley looked like any other shady dark alley, dirty and like any girl would be afraid walking through it at night alone.

Dumbledore’s old thin wrinkly fingers gripped onto Harry’s shoulder. The fingers dug into the skin holding onto him like a bench vice. His other side hissed at the contacted with the old man, not wanting him any where near him, Harry agreed with himself. Then Dumbledore turned on the place and dragged Harry with him through space.

The air was pressed out of his lungs and his ribs were crushed together. It was as if he was pulled long but also crushed at the same time. The only constant thing were Dumbledore’s bench vise fingers on his thin shoulder. Gripping, digging and never letting go. Then it was over and they were spit out. Dumbledore landed gracefully on his feed and Harry felt onto his knees, hitting them hard. Dumbledore let go of him, finally. He rubbed his shoulder.

“We are here”, Dumbledore said smiling. Harry looked around, salty air, a strong wind, waves crashing against rock, he was definitely at the ocean. It was the first time for him, he had always imagined it differently, and definitely not with Dumbledore. The sun has already almost set and it was getting darker and darker. They stood at a cliff, looking down Harry determined that it wasn’t that high. The water beneath them looked like a sea of black ink and fear crawled up Harry’s back. A stone was set fee from underneath his foot and it fell down into the abyss. He took a few steps backwards almost stumbling over his own feed.

“We have to swim, I am afraid”, Dumbledore said and gripped Harry’s shoulder again. “We will jump.”

“What? I cannot swim!”, Harry panicked trying to stumble backwards. The hand on his shoulder prevented that.

“Harry you have to speak up, I can’t hear you over the waves”, the Headmaster yelled.

“I cannot swim!”, Harry yelled back as loud as he could. Dumbledore still looked at him confused.

“You can swim? That it good. Now, let’s jump”, Dumbledore said and then just dragged Harry down with him over the stony cliff.

Free fall, wind in his face, in his hair, blowing up his robes. A scream stuck in his throat, adrenaline in his blood, pumping the fear even faster. An odd excitement and feeling of utter bliss.

Harry always thought that if he was ever to free fall, it would be off the tower in Hogwarts or even on a broom. Now he was falling of a cliff Dumbledore had dragged him on. He should have stayed in bed.

An awkward landing onto the ink water, feeling like hitting an asphalt street burning his skin. Ice cold water around him, he breathed in, breathed in salty water, where is up? Where is down?

Salt water burning and stinging his wide-open eyes, just black around him, no orientation.

Salt water in his lungs, lungs screaming for air.

Arms and legs flailing around helplessly, not doing anything.

Heavy clothes weighing him down, dragging him down.

He was going to die.

He didn’t want to drown; drowning was an awful way to die.

Where was Dumbledore?

Acceptance, floating through the darkness.

A feeling of peacefulness, this was the end.

A hand around his wrist, pulling him and pulling him upwards. It was going to be too late.

* * *

Harry woke up vomiting up salt water. It was a nasty feeling, the salt burning in his throat. Tears burning in his irritated eyes. He thought the next time he would wake up; he was going to be dead. But he felt very much alive judging by how miserable he was feeling. Death was supposed to be something freeing.

“Silly, what were you doing on the ground of the sea?”, a light soft voice asked. Startled Harry looked up; he had been too distracted before by vomiting else he might have noticed the creature there.

The creature before him was strangely beautiful. She looked human but very much also not. Turquoise lines adoring her skin, long sliver blond hair, little wings on her back which couldn’t be for flying, hands and feet with webbing between them. A delicate face, soft eyes and predatory sharp teeth.

“Drowning, I guess”, Harry said and laughed which caused his throat to hurt more. His breathing was rattling and he felt like dying. Tears gathered in his eyes because every inch of his body was hurting in some way.

“So, you can’t breathe underwater?”, she asked curiously and took one of his hands. She was lightning fast and almost ripped his hand out of his arm. He yelped in surprise.

“Wow, your fingers look funny”, she said and started playing with them. “So underdeveloped”. Harry felt strangely offended but tried to shake the feeling off. Who or rather what was she?

“No, I can’t breathe underwater, obviously. Thanks for saving me”, Harry said and tried to show a little gratitude. His other side urged him to be careful, not to provoke this being. She giggled.

“Ah, it’s nothing. I was bored anyways”, she said and let his hand go. A breath of relieve until she grabbed one of his feed.

“These look underdeveloped as well, how can you swim with these?”, she asked and petted his food.

“Well, I don’t?”, Harry said carefully, he felt like he was walking on thin ice with this creature. “Where are we?”, he asked looking around.

“On the beach, Silly. I mean, if you can’t breathe underwater and if you can’t swim with your crippled hands and feed, where was I suppose to put you?”, she asked and looked at him like he was really dumb.

“You are right, thank you”, Harry replied and smiled at the creature. The turquoise caught his eyes again. The colour was running all over her body. Following the lines, he realized that she was naked. Blushing Harry turned his eyes away.

“So where does Silly want to go?”, she asked and smiled at him what could have been cute. She had little dimples on her chin. Her teeth showing reminded him of what she really was, a predator.

“Hm well, where would you be able to bring me?”, he asked carefully, probing.

“Anywhere Silly would want to go, if there is a body of water at least”, she said and giggled again. Her voice was clear and ringing, enchanting and just beautiful.

What had a body of water near it? He really was silly, wasn’t he?

“Could you bring me to Hogwarts? There is the great lake there but be careful, a giant squid lives there”, Harry said. The small cute smile slowly fell off her face. Her eyes narrowed. Her face changed, the entire atmosphere around her changed. When she portrayed herself as a giddy biddy girl before, her poise changed to fit her sharp teeth. Her smile turned sly and her eyes glinted dangerously. Harry shifted his weight on the sand uncomfortable.

“It doesn’t have to be Hogwarts, no, anywhere would be fine, you know- “,

“I will bring you to Hogwarts, I know the squid, I like playing with him”, she said and gripped Harry’s hand. He felt like that there was something she wasn’t telling him. Then suddenly, she pulled him backwards and back into the water and just started swimming with him into the dark ink water. He could barely keep his head above water. The fear of drowning became very real again. Then the water closed over his head again. Panic was running through his veins, why did he trust this creature again?

She pulled him through the dark salty tides, he felt weightless and almost unexciting. Just when he thought he couldn’t go on anymore and his lungs were painfully burning, the hand holding him let go and it gave him a push in direction of the surface. Or at least were he thought the surface was. The next time his head broke the water it was dark.

“Hey, girl, where are you?”, he cried out, but disregarding the splashed he caused on the body of water, the surface stayed smooth and uninterrupted. Where the fuck did this creature bring him? He started to panic a little again. Arms splashing the water, he turned and turned and turned around and was greeted by the yellow lights of the castle.

Harry let out a breath that he didn’t even now he was holding. Then he remembered that he couldn’t swim and started panicking all over again. Arms in the doggy paddle and legs lashing out randomly. Then the realization that he could actually step onto the ground of the lake. He started to walk to the shore. The water was muddy and he could feel water plants gracing his legs and slimy algae touching his skin. He shuddered and walked faster. When he stepped onto the firm land again, he recognized the place as where he always hung out when he wanted to be alone. Especially memorable because he had met the mysterious guy here. 

-

Dripping wet Harry made his way up the castle. The night was pitch-black and weird animal noises could be heard from the forbidden forest. He shuddered when he thought back to his meeting with the Centaur.

The girl creature he had just met had saved his life but for what price? Even in the fairy tales no one did anything without a price.

On the castle doors Dumbledore was waiting for him. The old man was in contrast to him not wet. When Harry got into sight, he thought that he could see something like relieve on the old man’s face but it was quickly hidden again.

“Harry, my Boy, I am so deeply disappointed in you. I thought you wanted to defeat Voldemort as well, I thought you were strong but it seems I was mistaken. Now come on in before you catch a cold”, Dumbledore said and sighed deeply and very, very disappointed.

What Harry thought was, what a pretender.

* * *

_Dear unknown Reader,_

_I am sorry to bother you; I know that you don’t know me and I don’t know you. I sent this owl looking for help. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I am afraid I would do something someone would regret._

_I wished this summer would have never happened. On my birthday I changed, I am not the same anymore. I have some kind of sliver linings and patterns on my skin, I mean, I have wings now? Who even has wings? I can see them but other people don’t seem to notice. My eye sight got a lot better as well, it is perfect now. I grew too but my weight stayed the same. The worst part is that I can’t eat meat and fish anymore, I can barely eat cooked vegetables. Raw fruit works the best for me at the moment. So instead I lost more weight. I hate it, I hate myself. I have weird instincts and urges now, there is another side in me. It wants me to do thing I don’t want to. I know how it sounds like but I am not crazy, I hope so at least._

_And as hard as it is to write but I have also become more feminine, my body compositions as well as my face but I am male, how can that be? Why am I getting feminine? I just don’t know._

_And now the reason why I am really writing. I don’t know how to put it into words but this part of me, it feels lost and scared and just feels incomplete? It is like I am not whole anymore and parts of me are missing, flowing around just waiting to be reattached. It is killing me. I can’t deal with it anymore. I can’t breathe anymore. It hurts so much. I want to cry and not stop, I want to hide and never come out again. It just…- I - please help._

_Thank you very much, sorry for bothering again,_

_Harry_

Harry read the letter over and over. He was not entirely pleased with how it turned out but he felt so desperate. He was really afraid that if nobody came and saved him that he would die. Either because this feeling inside of him tore him apart or because he would kill himself. He wasn’t sure why he was still alive, why he hadn’t ended it yet, why he wrote this letter. This letter was his only chance, when nobody answered then he would do it. Then he had nothing to lose anymore.

Hedwig looked at him expectantly, extending one leg. He smiled weakly at his faithful companion. He tied the letter to it and started petting her feathers.

“You know what to do Hedwig. Please bring this letter to someone who can help me, someone who is like me. This is urgent. Please be save and if… and if I am not there when you return, look after yourself, okay?”, Harry said blinked away some tears. Hedwig nudged his fingers as if to assure him. Then she hooted softly and flew away. Harry didn’t know if he imagined it but he thought that she flew faster than usual.

* * *

Thelus sat at his desk looking at paperwork. His job commanded a lot of responsibility and time but he loved what he did and thus sacrificed gladly his free time. The parchment paper weight a lot in his hand as he read over the expenses of the last council meeting. The caterer hadn’t been cheap and food had to be delivered for a lot of people. Maybe next time he could cut on the drink and just serve water? No, the other members would notice and complain. That many complains was not worth it. Maybe he could-

-An unknown owl landed on his desk. She was white and looked healthy if not a little stressed. She hooted at him and flapped her wings, extending a leg with a letter tied on it.

“Hello beautiful, what do you bring me?”, he said soothingly, trying to calm the owl. The owl just grew more nervous and looked at him with her piercing eyes. Normally he didn’t accept mail from owl he didn’t know but this one looked like she would pick out his eyes if he did not. Carefully he removed the letter. The owl stayed; she wanted an answer then.

The parchment was just as heavy as the bill. He unfolded it, noticed the messy handwriting, the smeared ink. Then he read the words. It didn’t take him long and he was rather shocked when he was done. This was urgent. He quickly wrote a reply to give to the owl. He didn’t watch her leave, instead he got up, the chair scratching against the floor, almost tipping over, and left the room. He needed to find some important people, now.

* * *

**Note: **I would love to hear what your guesses are what is up with Snape and maybe also Lavender!


	6. The Arrival

**Chapter 6**

_Dear Harry,_

_Thank you for writing the letter, thank you for reaching out. You are not a bother at all, the contrary in fact, I am so glad to have the opportunity to write to you._

_I know you are very confused right now and that you want answers, I can give them to you. My name is Thelus, I am a member of the United Council of Alben. That is what you are Harry, you are an Alb and how you are feeling right know is very normal._

_Please tell me where you are so I can explain more to you. You are in a more special situation than others who have just awoken. It is not safe for you._

_Please let me, please let us help you. You are not alone._

_Best regards,_

_Thelus_

Harry had been nervous to open the letter Hedwig had brought. The parchment looked expensive. He swirled the letter in his hands, just looking at it. He felt so embarrassed that he had wrote the letter. That he had actually sent it. What if the person answering would just taunt him? What if this person didn’t give a shit and would say that he is just weak? That he was a coward and exaggerating? Was he exaggerating? He didn’t know anymore. He just knew when he had sent the letter, he thought he would die. He had set himself an ultimatum, if no answer arrived within 3 days, he would end it. Now, on the second day, he felt a little disappointed.

With shaky hands he opened the letter. The handwriting was elegant with a lot of swirls and points. For now, the words didn’t make any sense, he didn’t let his eyes focus on them, he just starred at the letters. To be truthful, he was afraid, afraid what this person would say. He allowed his eyes to fly over the words and sentences. First, he started scanning the word, filtering them to see if anything hurtful or out of the ordinary (if you could actually define the ordinary in this case) had been written. The scan was clear, he started reading. And, he felt relieved. He felt so relieved. He let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. An Alb, he was an Alb! Finally, an answer. Although he didn’t really know what Alben were, he now knew at least what to call himself. Maybe there was a book in the library.

The letter laid before him on the bed. He wavered, wasn’t sure what to answer. When he wrote the letter, he didn’t even expect an answer at all, he just wanted to go knowing he really tried. In Hogwarts there was not one person he trusted unconditionally. He trusted Hermione with homework and studying, he trusted Ron with Quidditch and brooms and to have his back when they went on another crazy adventure. He trusted Dumbledore with his visions of Voldemort, trusted him with his life essentially. But was there one person he trusted with his deepest fears, his darkest and most secretive thoughts? No, no had to be the answer. He only trusted himself and his judgement, he had to. The Dursleys made sure of that.

This person sounded nice, sounded like he would care. He wanted to help for god’s sake! When was the last time somebody wanted to truly help him? He didn’t know. On the other side, could he really tell this stranger where he was? What about stranger danger Aunt Petunia taught to Dudley when he was young? And if he did, Hogwarts was relatively big, this person wouldn’t know which student had sent the letter in the end. But he signed with his real name. Stupid. He was so stupid. And he had sent Hedwig, also very stupid. Harry bit his lip. His lips were dry, cracked and probably pale. Everything about him had been pale and grey since he arrived. It was like life had been slowly fading away. He knew that he wasn’t getting enough nutrition and also not eating enough but he couldn’t help it. The food was just so bad. It made him nauseous. It made his stomach rumble and crumble in protest.

Harry got up and moved to the desk to write another letter. When the tip of the quill touched the parchment, he wasn’t sure what to write. He didn’t know what to respond. Ink was gathering on the paper and he quickly lifted it up again. The soft feathery end was touching his cheek, caressing his transparent skin and apparently made him think better.

_Dear Thelus,_

_Thank you for answering me. Thank you for answering some of my questions._

_I am not sure if I can tell you where I am? I am at school; it is a boarding school. You said that I was in danger, but I am quite sure that I am safe here. At least I should be._

_Could you tell be more about the Albs? I have never heard about them before. And why am I different?_

_Harry_

He knew that he sounded young and unsure but that is what he was. He wanted answers first before he would reveal who he was. He wasn’t sure if he had given too much information, to be realistic, how many magical boarding schools where out there? Not many probably. But secretly, he thought, he wanted to be found, wanted to be whisked away. Everything was better than right here and now. 

“Hedwig, good girl, do you think you are up for another fly?”, Harry asked his owl. She puffed her chest as if to say, who do you think I am? Of course. Harry smiled a little and petted her feathers. They were soft and the texture felt nice under his fingers. “I would have never doubted you”, he continued and knotted the letter to one of her feet. “Thank you”, he ended and stepped way. Hedwig looked at him, nibbled on his ear, then she opened her beautiful wings and flew away.

For a while Harry looked after her even when she was out of sight. He felt dismal, hopeless. Why didn’t he just say where he was? It wasn’t like if this person were to be a serial killer mentally crazy and were to find him and kill him, the person wouldn’t do him a favour. It was a win-win situation. He was so stupid. Maybe Thelus wouldn’t answer anymore. He would know that he, Harry, was just a stupid child. Stupid. Maybe Thelus was playing nice to get his location and then would destroy him.

Harry fell backwards on his bed. He starred up. From down here the world looked so different, this curtain was somehow different. This new perspective made him feel gloomy and as if he was looking at the world through a different haze. He sighed and turned on his side.

* * *

“There is currently a young submissive who just woke. He didn’t even know what he was until I told him. The pull to his mates is killing him. We need to intervene as soon as possible and help him. Maybe organize a Look of Affinity”, Thelus said loudly so that everybody could hear him in the amphitheater. He stood in the middle, the ranks surrounding him in wide and high circles. Not all of the seats were taken because he had organized an emergency council meeting. Not everybody was there but enough people to make a decision. Normally, it wasn’t in his duties to organize council meeting, not even emergency meetings. He had pulled a few stings.

After he finished talking the room was silence for a minute or two. It took not long until the news was processed and people began to murmur and whisper. The sound multiplied in the theater as it was designed to do that.

On the one hand, it was exciting for a new submissive to awaken and a male one at that. On the other hand, it was also really dangerous. He was alone thus open for attacks of desperate Dominates who could try forcing themselves on him. He already felt the Pull. If nobody was going to help, he would die or at least get injured.

Some of the women and men raised their hands. The head of the council who was leading this meeting pointed at one of them.

“What did he say who he was?”, a middle-aged man said.

“He didn’t say, just that his name was Harry and that he came into his inheritance this summer”, Thelus answered. “He also didn’t say who his parents were. They couldn’t have been one of us otherwise they would have taken precautions”

The women and men nodded. That was true. Also, they would have heard news of a new submissive. Another problem arouses, it was unheard of human parents to birth an Alb. What this child stolen? But this was not an urgent matter, they would discuss it once the child was in their care.

Submissives weren’t that rare but rare enough that the awakening of one was joyous news in the whole community. Per year there were around fifteen to thirty new Submissives. This year it had been nine, an all time low. All female. Male Submissives on the other hand are rare. There is one every eight to ten years.

“I replied to him, asking him for his location. We have to wait. In the meanwhile, we could prepare everything for the Look of Affinity for him”, Thelus continued. He stopped and looked up.

Hedwig couldn’t have chosen a better time to make a grand entrance. The window opened for her and she flew into the room, all eyes were on her. Some were evaluating if she was a threat, other just thought that she was a beautiful owl. Hedwig flew towards Thelus and dropped the letter in his hand and then settled on one of the desks. She chose the desk of the Head. The old man looked at her amused and petted her head. Hedwig huffed. Meanwhile Thelus opened the letter, looking over it.

“He didn’t say were he was but he said he went to a boarding school that apparently was safe. So, considering that he uses an owl, my educated guess is that he is currently residing at Hogwarts”, Thelus said, eyes still focused at the letter.

“Thank you Councilman Thelus, you may have a seat now. My proposal is that Councilman Thelus and two others of his choice and some guards go to Hogwarts looking for the boy and bring him back here. The magical community can’t reject us, the boy is now one of us and keeping him from us would be reason enough to declare war. Those in favour raise their hands”, the Head said. All Councilmen and women raised their hand. “Ruled in favour. Thank you, Councilmen and Women. Thelus, who do you choose for this mission?”

“I chose Councilman Phennel and Councilwoman Reyra. Thank you”, Thelus said firmly, nodding at his two colleagues when named them. The Head nodded.

“You three are dismissed. Take some guards with you”, the Head replied a little bit distracted because Hedwig was demanding more and more of his attention. He even started using his second had scratching her.

* * *

“We are looking for a boy named Harry, he is likely fifteen or older. He is probably very thin and pale and looks overall rather sickly. He must have the Sheen but perhaps we are lucky we are able to see his Alben attributes. He said they were silver. It can also be that he might be hiding, he is a newly awoken Submissive who is already feeling the Pull. He is sacred, so if you spot him, point him out to me or if I am not there, approach him calmly and soothingly. That is it, let’s move”, Thelus said to his companions and the ten guards he brought with him. Everybody nodded and they approach the gates of Hogwarts. They really wanted to get to the Submissive.

It was a rather rainy and grey day. The sky was dark and it smelled of rain and earth. The castle with it’s grey walls didn’t stand out a lot on the dark grey background. The green grass was wet and made a splashing sound when walking on it. In front of the gates everybody came to a halt.

Thelus took a step forward while the others took a step backwards to make space for him. He raised his arms.

“I, Thelus of the Alben, Councilman of the United Council of Alben, on a quest to retrieve a lost youngling, request the Headmaster of this Institute to open it’s gate for us”, Thelus said. His voice was much louder and deeper. It echoed over the grounds and was probably heard by every living being in the surroundings. For a few seconds nothing moved but the rain. The rain pattered on the leaf roof of the forest. The only sounds being heard were the sounds of nature. Then, the gates swung open. Looking up, you could see the castle doors swung open as well. A figure walked out and towards them. Seeing the open gates as an invite, the Alben walked through it.

It was a short walk to meet the person approaching them. The Councilmen and Woman walked first; the guards were following them. In front of the person, an old wizard with long white hair and a green robe, everybody came to a stop.

“Councilman Thelus of the Alben, I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, the Headmaster of this fine Institute known as Hogwarts. How can I help you on this grey day?”, the wizard said. He nodded his head in a greeting. Thelus copied the gesture.

“We received a very troubling letter of a young Alb, he is here at this school and we wish to talk to him”, Thelus answered. He felt a little uneasy and the old man’s blue eyes seemed to pierce trough him. It was the most noteworthy feature of him. Sure, one could mention his long hair and long white beard, or the green robe but Thelus thought that they were only for show. To mistake this man for something he was not. The glance was too sharp, a sneer almost invisible on his lips. He didn’t get a good feeling from this old man and he was usual right with his instincts. He was cautious and something told him to not give too much information. “We do not know his name, I am afraid. Could we see every student, we will recognize him when we see him”, Thelus continued. 

“Of course, I am willing to help you and this young man. But say, every student? Isn’t that a bit much?”, Dumbledore answered. Dumbledore was excited, this turned out to be a great day after all. Alben, real Alben came to him, (him!) for help. When was the last time he has seen them, if he ever had that was. They wanted something from him, and if he helped them, they would owe him a debt, wouldn’t they? And a favour from an Alb and one in a high position at that, it was worth a lot. This could be a back-up for the fight against Voldemort. This could give them an edge. This could be for the greater good. And if this person they are looking for really was in Hogwarts, maybe he knew them? Through them he would have a connection. He would have control. He would have influence.

Dumbledore looked the Alben Party up and down. They were well dressed; he recognized the robes they were wearing as the kind of uniform Council Members wore. And didn’t the man introduce himself as a Councilman? So, this person they were looking for was important to them. Maybe, when he saw the young man they meant, he could keep him and use him instead. An Alb, he couldn’t believe it! And that right under his nose.

“Fifteen or older”, Thelus said. He felt more uneasy now but didn’t show it. He could feel everybody in his group tense up as well. They could sense the unwell intends of this wizard as well.

“Come on in, I will manage it”, Dumbledore said, smiling with twinkling eyes.

* * *

Harry wasn’t sure how long Hedwig had taken to deliver the letter. For the first letter it had taken a whole day to bring and come back with a reply. This morning he had sent the second letter. Now, he was sitting in Transfiguration. They were supposed to animate a lifeless object. Hermione’s matchbox was dancing and Ron’s was whistling a tune. His matchbox on the other side just laid there, lifeless. It was just like any other normal matchbox. He felt too weak and light-headed to do magic. He had tried the spell but his magic only sparked a little within him, he could feel it. The weaker he grew, the weaker his magic grew. He had practically given up, gave into this feeling of numbness. He was dizzy and everything felt hazy. The world seemed to spin a little. He didn’t know why he could still hold himself up right.

Professor McGonagall walked up and down the row, inspecting every matchbox. She took several minutes to inspect every one of them and gave critic or praise. He dreaded the moment she saw his. Now, she was in front of one particular student. Her face changed and you could clearly read disapproval from it when she saw a matchbox stagger around and slur. Some students laughed about it. Harry couldn’t even pull up the corners of his mouth. He just wanted to sleep. Professor McGonagall looked up and saw his matchbox. It laid in front of him and behaved and looked like an ordinary matchbox. Her forehead wrinkled and she moved over to him. Here it comes, oh joy.

“Attention everybody please. Every student fifteen or older, please move to the Great Hall. I repeat, every student fifteen or older, please move to the Great Hall”

The voice came out of nowhere. Harry looked up, seeing if Hogwarts had some hidden speakers. It was silly, really, they wouldn’t work anyways.

“You heard the Headmaster. I assume everybody in this room is at least fifteen, so please, if you would”, Professor McGonagall said and cleared her throat. Everybody got up and started to leave the room. It took Harry a little bit longer than the others to get up. His body didn’t feel like it was anchored on this earth anymore. He was almost flowing, flying away. When he was finally up, he took slow und unsteady steps. He followed the group but was a few steps behind them. Other classes joint them on the way. They weren’t a lot; Hogwarts’s grades weren’t that large. The steps down troubled him a little. He had to hold on to the railing not to fall down. The cold and unmoving stone what the only thing he was feeling.

The normally five-minute way to the Hall felt like an eternity. Time had no meaning anymore. Every step felt like a fight. With every meter he moved forward his body felt weaker. Maybe he could slip away? He should hide. He could already see the Great Hall’s doors. Then something changed.

His other side, the side longing for wholeness which had began to hurt a while back, woke up. If you could describe it as that. It still hurt and was bleeding because it was torn into pieces but it was like a beaten puppy smelling a treat. It perked, felt excited. A little strength returned to Harry. He felt a little better. But why this change?

When he stepped through the doors he saw why. On every side of the hall stood guards, three on each side. In front of the teacher’s table stood three people and two guards. All of them were different, they were beautiful and they had, they had wings? All different colours and so pretty. They looked like him. They were like him. Oh no. All of them called out to him. He wanted to be near them, to jump at them. It scared him. He could feel eyes resting on him, glances looking him up and down. His heart started beating higher and faster and was trying to drown itself in blood. He stopped walking; he couldn’t move anymore. His other side was so happy and excited when a little weak. But him, his own side, he was scared, lonely and hopeless. In his mind, he didn’t make the connection between these people and his letter.

When everybody moved in, the doors closed. The noise startled Harry and he let out a noise he didn’t even know he could make. It was a high-pitched whine. The students around him didn’t seem to hear it but the all the eyes of the guards and the other men in front snapped in his direction. He shrunk into himself. He stood out of the crowd with is messy head of black hair and also because he grew a bit over the summer. He was taller than most in his grade. These foreign people were very tall as well, he noticed. He would probably still look small next to them.

The students around him chatted, why were there here, who were all these people, what did they want and so on. Harry tried to make himself smaller and become one with the other students. He was the crowed. He didn’t want to get noticed. He wanted to hide. He wanted to be alone. It was like he was just a shadow on the wall, all the students around him, they could technically see him, they could technically hear him but they didn’t. He was not there for them. At this moment he felt the loneliest. Surrounded but never seen, surrounded but never heard, surrounded but never understood, surrounded but technically alone.

“As you can see, we have some visitors. They are here on a quest. But I will let them speak for themselves”, Dumbledores voice shook him up. His focus shifted to the front. There were five people there. Four men and a woman. The woman was beautiful with dark hair that looked purple and eyes that glowed blue. She was tall but not as tall as the males. She looked muscular, they all did, and had beautiful curves. Two of the man wore a uniform he assumed were guard uniforms. Some sort of leathery amour and swords? They were the most muscular and had short hair. They looked really manly. The other two man wore white tunics and had long hair. One was blond, the other had brown hair. The blond stepped forward. He had piercing light purple eyes and tanned skin.

“Hello younglings, this must be very confusing for you but fear not. We are looking for somebody who wrote a letter but without an addressee. Did anybody recall writing said letter?”, the blond asked. He scanned the crowd; his eyes rested a little longer on him. Or did he imagine it? Harry was confused, afraid. So, it had to do with his letter after all. He didn’t want to say that it was him. He didn’t want to be here. He certainly didn’t expect it to turn into this. His other side purred, his own side panicked.

Harry backed up, slowly he stepped through the crowd of students. Everybody was silent, nobody said anything. He had been close to the door anyways. He reached it and leaned against it. He felt the gazes of the nearest guards on him. He didn’t care. He was going to run and then, hopefully, jump. He was going to end it, now and once and for all. He just waited for a distraction. A girl stepped forward, she looked confident and obviously lusted after the men. They were beautiful after all. She started speaking. Harry didn’t listen to it. He opened the door and slipped out.

Once Harry was out, he ran. At least he tried to, his body was so weakened and frail, it was more like a normal or fast walk maybe a limb here and there. Thus, he heard that somebody else slipped out after him. He knew it was one of them because his other side felt pleased. Harry didn’t dare to turn around and look to confirm. He just tried walking faster. His breathing was already going fast and the world started to spin faster and faster. He didn’t hear any footsteps behind him. He was unsure, maybe nobody followed him after all and he was just paranoid. It didn’t matter.

Tower, tower, tower, tower, emptiness, emptiness, emptiness, fear, fear, fear, fear, breathe, breathe, breathe, stupid, stupid, stupid… Words repeating over and over again in his head. Over and over again, he couldn’t stop himself. Didn’t want to. It was going to end, finally, after a life of torture and- he tripped.

Harry felt himself fall forward. He closed his eyes but didn’t have the strength to extend his arms. He was going to fall onto his face. He felt the air brushing over his skin and could almost already feel the cold stone floor. Strong arms encircled him, catching his fall. The force knocked the air out of his lunges for a second. He let out this weird whine again. The arms pulled him backwards and against a firm chest. He smelled good, like bonfire, forest and adventure. Harry had his eyes still squeezed shut, so somebody had followed him.

Good to know that I am not crazy, well not crazier at least, Harry thought. He couldn’t decide if he dared to look up or to just pretend, he wasn’t there. The person wanted to let him go, he could feel it. The muscles on the arms relaxed, they twitched a little to the sides, the hand moving down. But this felt so good. He felt loved and protected and just so different than before. And the wish to die vanished for a second. His other side made him whine again and tears forced themselves up. He tried to hold them in. The person, the man, brought their arms up again and strengthened the grip. It turned into one of the best hugs Harry had ever had. His cheek was pressed against the other man’s chest and he couldn’t but take deep breathes just to smell the amazing sent again.

This was almost like with Theo. Yes, this was almost exactly like with Theo. Or even the stranger by the lake.

“Are you Harry?”, the man asked. His voice was a soft baritone tone. Harry didn’t trust his voice and just nodded. “You gave quite a lot of people a scare”, the man said quietly. Harry didn’t react, not because he couldn’t but because he didn’t want to. He felt embarrassed, why did he write that stupid letter again? He needed his Quiet place, he needed to think, needed to take a step back, maybe even take a step too much over the edge. His other side didn’t want to but Harry had control over his body again. Even though he thought that the hug was really nice, he wanted to leave. Deep down, he knew that he shouldn’t be alone in this state of mind but he couldn’t help it. Slowly he pulled back. The other man let him.

“Well, thank you very much for the catch, but I have to get going now. I think you have the wrong person. There might be another Harry around here, I think there is one in Hufflepuff? Small guy, blond, can’t miss him”, Harry brabbled and walked a few steps backwards. He tried to make excuses to get away. It wasn’t easy, it was like his body didn’t want to leave, like his body was sabotaging himself.

Once he had taken a few steps back, he was able to take a good look at the guy who caught him. It took his breath away. Honestly, every single one of these guys would have taken his breath away. The man in front of him was tall and had dark auburn hair. The light reflecting on it looked like dancing flames only much darker than normal fire. His eyes were of a burning brown that could have been red as well. He had freckles and his skin tone wasn’t that light as you would expect it to be. His nose was slightly crooked and his eyes hooded. He looked very handsome. All of them were fucking handsome. Harry had to force himself to look away. His eyes had been practically glued onto this male. And he still wasn’t sure if he liked guys, maybe he should take a hint.

He forced himself to take some steps in direction of the tower. He forces himself to keep breathing. He felt light-headed again. Now, that his other side felt save, all the tension and stress that had build up over the last weeks, seemed to melt of him. He suddenly felt so much more exhausted. It was as if the need to be going on, the feeling of being unsafe had kept him going but now? Now there was no need for it anymore.

“Harry, don’t be silly. I can see that you struggle to keep yourself up right. Come, we can answer your questions and maybe get some good food into you. Don’t you want that as well?”, the stranger asked and smiled a little. This offer did sound very tempting. Maybe a hot bath, a nice warm bed, arms holing him, fingers feeding him, no thinking, no worrying. NO! He had to stop that train of thoughts. His other side fused more and more with himself and he, himself, the part of him that was just Harry, did want that. The only thing was that there was something else he wanted more than food and a bath. Something that could bring him eternal peace. Or would it?

“Thanks a lot for the offer, but I have to decline, Sorry. I need to be somewhere, was nice meeting you, really”, Harry said in a hurry and tried to smile apologizingly. For this handsome guy it worked. He turned away. Suddenly, he felt very silly for feeling so comfortable in this stranger’s arms. He didn’t even like guys, he wasn’t sure. He needed to go, he needed to leave. If he didn’t do it know he never would. This was the right time. It was almost as if he had to convince himself. It didn’t feel right. He heard fast steps behind him and then a presence next to him. The guy was arm, his body heat was warming his arm as well.

“It’s okay. Let me accompany you at least to your dorm room. It is no bother for me at all”, the guy said and looked at him caringly. His forehead was laid in wrinkles but he smiled nevertheless. His eyes were searching Harrys face, Harry didn’t know for what but he felt that he couldn’t lose to this guy. He sighed. Maybe he could run for it later but for now he would just go with the new arrangement. 

* * *

Thelus saw a young scrawny looking boy leave the Great hall. It was the black-haired boy there all have been drawn to. Even though it was obvious that the Sheen was still protecting the youngling, they all have figured out that this was Harry.

He gave Meneroyl a subtle nod. The guard was the closes to the door and quickly slipped after the boy. Thelus hoped that Meneroyl could handle the situation and keep Harry save.

Thelus let his eyes wander and they stopped at a young Alb with purple markings. They were hidden from the ordinary human eye but he could recognize the other specie man without trouble. The boy was tall and had dark hair as well and wore a green and silver uniform. An idea occurred to him and he had to supress a suspiciously sly smile. 

* * *

**Note:** What do you think about Thelus? What do you think what kind of role he will be playing in this and be to Harry? 


	7. Weakness

_ **A little note: Just a little transition chapter, but I quite like it. The next chapter will take some time as well, I am sorry. ** _

**Chapter 7 **

The guard was walking next to him, his presence giving off a sense of secureness. Harry felt small next to him, as he had predicted but it didn’t matter at all. He could feel that the man was shooting him glances in a periodic rhythm. It was a little annoying. He had been leading the guard through random halls and floors, not actually going to the dorms. His hope had been that the guard would get tired after a while and would just let him go but thus far he didn’t have any success. This guy was stubborn.

“What is you name?”, Harry asked and broke the silence that had been lingering between the two for a while now. The stranger looked up and smiled a gentle-giant smile.

“My name is Meneroyl, Harry. How old are you?”, Meneroyl asked curiously. What a weird name, Harry thought but shrugged it off.

“I am sixteen”, Harry answered. He saw Meneroyl’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise in the corners of his eyes. His cheeks tinted in red, he knew that he looked more like fourteen but it was still embarrassing to get it confirmed like that. Harry tried to stare straight ahead and ignore the burning in his cheeks. “What are you doing here?”, Harry continued.

Currently they were walking in a hall that had all windows on the right side and some benches along the way. He actually felt really exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sit down but as stupid as it sounds, he didn’t want to appear weak.

“But you know why we are here, don’t you?”, Meneroyl shot back. Harry’s cheeks blushed again. Stupid letter and stupid decisions. “We are here because of you Harry, we want to help you”, Meneroyl answered and smiled his smile again which was too gentle to belong to the rough looking man. Harry turned his head away. So, all the lies he could have told himself, no it wasn’t because of him, no it could totally be just a coincidence, were for vain. Harry swallowed but noticed that it was rather hard because a lump had formed itself in his throat.

“Come on, let us sit for a moment, I am growing tired”, he said friendly but Harry could still hear the silent command underneath. Even though he said that he was tired, Harry was sure they are just sitting down for his sake. His knees were shaking and he felt a little light headed. He let himself be guided to the nearest marble bench and sat down. Meneroyl sat so close to him that their legs were touching. In contrast with Ron, it didn’t bother him at all this time, the warmth coming from the foreign limb was much more welcomed.

“Are you going to take me away?”, Harry asked, suddenly feeling shy and shrunk into himself. His companion sighed and patted his arm. Harry leaned into the touch even though he thought it was rather miserable of himself.

“Ach Harry, we would never take you against your will. We just want to help you adjust to the new life as an Alb. It is never easy in the beginning. The truth is, we think it would be best if you would come with us. Think of it like a vacation, hm?”, Meneroyl answered him in a soothing voice. It worked so well with his deep voice and Harry believed him. Well, it was not like he was opposed to be leaving he was just not sure yet if he could trust them. Good looks did not always mean good intentions, nice words did not always mean that they were the truth.

“I just didn’t know if I can trust you, you know?” The guard nodded but had a pained expression on his face.

“I understand. You don’t know us, it is true. It just pains me to know that someone as young as you has such a deep root of distrust that it even extents to your own kin. In the kingdom, - well it is unheard of”

“The kingdom? You mean, there is a how country filled with people like me, like you?”, Harry asked in wonder, eyes wide and filled with childish wonder. Meneroyl just had to smile again.

“Well yes there is. It is divided into four, the Northern, the Eastern, the Southern and the Western Kingdom. Each of them is ruled by a Royal Court but there is also a Council which holds power over all of the four Kingdoms. When Submissives such as yourself come into their inheritance or start to emitting the Pull, they are put into a save house of the Council. When they are ready, a Look for Affinity is arranged”

Harry looked at the elder puzzled. This did not only answer is questions but caused another avalanche of them.

“Can I have a look behind you ear, please?”, the friendly giant asked. Harry thought that it was pretty weird that not one but now the second guy wants to look behind his ears. Do they all have some kind of weird fetish? But despite his doubts he nodded. What bad can that do?

Meneroyl’s large hand touched his chin, turned his head around. Heat traveled through his body as the older man touched him, the spot of skin burning he was touching. The other hand reached around and pulled his ear forward. Then the same procedure with the other one. When Harry was able to look at the man again, he had a displeasing look on his face. His eyebrows all crunched up, the corner of the lip slightly turned down.

“Did I do something wrong?”, Harry asked, the voice slightly shaking. He could feel it, he was a freak, even among his own kind he was a sore thumb. Apparently Meneroyl could feel the distress building up in the young boy because he reached his hand out, touching Harry’s hand softly.

“No, you did nothing wrong. See, once every child is born, the mark of their kingdom is placed on them. So, if you were born in the Southern Kindgom, like myself, you would have a “S” drawn behind your ear. It helps for identification but also were you belong to”, he answered, trying to keep his voice calm. Then he turned his head and showed Harry the S behind his ear. It was like any other ordinary S.

“Oh okay, and I don’t have one. That is not too bad, I was not born in any of the Kingdoms anyways”, Harry said and shrugged it off. His vis-à-vis still had doubts although. It did not work like this.

“What do you mean exactly when you say Submissive earlier? Does that mean that there are Dominants as well?”, Harry asked innocently. He looked at his hands which laid motionless in his lap. He could see the silver marking and how they were reflecting the light and even shimmered a little. It made him smile.

“Well yes, there are Dominants as well, but this gets a little too far now. It will be explained to you in detail once you are at the save house. Now tell me, who are your parents?”, Meneroyl said and tried to deflect the topic gently to the Submissive’s parents. He wanted to know, needed to know if the boy had been snatched from their kingdom as an infant.

“Their names were Lily and James Potter. It doesn’t matter now though; they are dead anyways. They died protecting me when I was a year old and Voldemort tried to kill me”, Harry answered feeling soberly. He briefly glanced at Meneroyl, saw the pity and quickly redirected his eyes. Away from the pity.

“Voldesnort? What a weird name. Who is that again?”, he heard Meneroyl’s deep voice ask. Harry’s head snapped backed so fast that his neck cracked. With wide eyes he started at Meneroyl.

“What? Could you please repeat that?”, was all he could stutter. He looked at him disturbed and a flabbergasted.

“Well this guy Voldesnort”, Meneroyl repeated. The wheels were almost visible as they were turning in Harry’s head.

“His name is Voldemort, he is a Dark Lord who has been terrorizing the wizarding community for decades now”, Harry answered still a little shellshock.

“And he killed your parents? Wow what a weird name for a Dark Lord. Hm, anyways, where did you live after, where did you grow up?”, he continued asking, unfazed by the new information. Harry turned his glance away again. How could someone not know Who Voldermort is? Do they live under a rock?

“With my Aunt Petunia, my mother’s sister”, he answered and got quieter the longer the sentence got. “And her husband and son”

Meneroyl looked like he wanted to ask some more questions but he was interrupted. Someone was running towards them, only the footsteps were heard on the stone floor. They grew louder and louder. The guard jumped up on his feet and positioned himself between the potential danger and Harry. Harry just shrank back into himself and tried to peek past Meneroyl.

Two men rounded the corner, laughing. They were guards of the Alben as well. One was skinnier than the others and had dirty blond hair. A mischievous grin adored his face and he was also the one who almost tripped over and laid himself on the floor. The other man was tall and had dark hair. His face had features which should have made him look serious and bitter but his wide grin defied them.

“Quick, we need to leave!”, the blond said and winked at Harry. Meneroyl’s stand relaxed and he released his fighting stance. Legs hip wide, the right leg a little back, his hands raised on the height of his nose, guarding. Shoulders crouched, making him a smaller target but still fully covering the boy behind him. Ready to fight.

“What happened?”, he asked stepping to the side to reveal Harry behind him.

“Thelus happened and one of his disingenuous ideas”, the dark-haired guard replied. He had dark blue markings which shimmered like a star in the light. “But we should really hurry before- well we need to go” He stepped towards Harry and wanted to grab his hand. Harry jerked his hand back and looked up to Meneroyl. He wasn’t sure if he could trust them. Not yet.

Meneroyl nodded at the other two. “Give us cover” Then he crouched before Harry. “Harry, it is your choice entirely if you want to come with us. But I ask you, please, we are the only ones who can protect you. You don’t even know a fraction of what you need to know. Please, consider?”

Harry was conflicted. He did believe Meneroyl that he would protect him that they would explain everything. But could he really just leave Hogwarts? What about Voldemort, what about his friends, and most importantly, what about Dumbledore? It sounded like that they would leave in secret. On the other hand, what did he have to lose? Was there anything holding him here? Considering that he was out and about to end it finally and forever, the answer has to be no. There was nothing. And what harm would it do if he went with them? He wrote the letter after all, they were doing what he wished for, what he asked them to do. Didn’t they?

“Okay”, Harry whispered. Meneroyl nodded relieved. In a swift movement Meneroyl swept Harry up in his arms.

“Trust me”, he said and then stepped onto the sill of the window. Harry closed his eyes and hold onto the stronger man. He felt him going forwards, must be going through the window and then there was cold windy air lashing in his face. He moved his head closer to Meneroyl to try and hide his face.

Did he just jump out of a fucking window?

* * *

The students look at the strangers with anticipation, weirdly enchanted by their strange beauty and by how their foreign looks. Girls and boys alike felt their hearts beating higher with desire.

“It was me; I admit it. Now please take me with you”, a girl stepped forward and looked at Thelus with pleading eyes. She fell onto her knees, hands intertwined and eyes shimmering caused by the water collected in them. Her black skirt pooled around her, her black cloak piling up behind her. “Please take me”, he voices sounded desperate, pleading and thirsty. At least that was what Theo thought.

Theo had noticed Harry fleeing the Great Hall but he was further away from the doors otherwise he would have followed. He saw a guard stepping out behind the boy and honestly, he had been relieved but also jealous. Jealousy was such an ugly emotion, destroying relationships and breaking people apart. Under normal circumstances, he was not jealous at all, at least he thought he wasn’t. But he couldn’t help it, the cold knife called jealousy twisted in his heart, the hot blood pooling in his stomach making him feel sick.

Harry had turned his life around, making him feel things he didn’t even know were possible. Making him do things he didn’t think he was capable of doing or ever seeing himself doing them. How strange, he knew of course what the underlying reason was. His Alben-side had fallen in love -on first sight at that- and he had too. Admittedly, not on first side and he was still sceptical. Harry Potter, really? What kind of sick joke was fate playing with him?

The loud sobs of the girl were bringing him back to reality. She was still sitting on the floor like a fool, like kicked puppy. How utterly pathetic.

“I think I might just saw the youngling we were looking for”, the Councilman’s voice announced. Theo looked up and saw Thelus looking directly at him. He pulled his eyebrows together, who was he talking about?

Theo looked behind him, just an empty table. Theo looked next to him, Slytherins, Theo looked left, more Slytherins. Humans, all humans. He looked at the Councilman again. He looked at him, smiling but Theo could see the threat in it. But Theo could also see the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. One last glance behind him. Oh no, that was not happening, or was it? Was this guy serious?

“Would you please step forward?”, he asked and looked directly at the Slytherin boy. Theo swallowed, I am doing this for Harry, I am doing this for Harry, was a constant mantra in his mind, then he stepped forward.

“Wow, I guess it was me”, Theo said but couldn’t help but keep the un-excitement out of it. Every single person in the room was now looking at him as he proceeded to make his way to the front. His classmates probably all reviewing their opinion and experience with him. Thanks for outing me, he though sarcastically. From the corner of his eyes he took note that Dumbledore was almost dissecting him with his eyes. His star was the most intense of all of them. “Thank you for saving me, I don’t even know what I would have done without you”, he said dryly. The Councilman he shot an evil eye.

“Such a fine Specimen, glad we could find you! Thank you everybody for helping, big thanks especially to you headmaster. I really think we should be going now”, he said and nodded in direction of Dumbledore. The headmaster stepped towards them, clearly with the intention from preventing them to leave so early.

“My, my, why leaving so early? Maybe a cup of- “, the headmaster was interrupted by the Councilwoman. “Such a generous offer headmaster, almost impossible to decline but this stage of the change is very delicate and dangerous. We need to be on our way” She threw her dark hair over her shoulder and smiled. While it looked like a suggestive gesture and the smile did look beautiful on her face, a subtle movement revealed a dagger at her waist, seemingly by accident.

“Yes, I feel endangered”, Theo said and tried to look pitiful. Damn you unknown Councilman. The said Councilman shot him an unreadable glance.

“Well, it appears I am outvoted, do please return and you Theo, get better soon and I hope you will return soon to continue your education”, Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes. Theo cringed away a little feeling uneasy. “Education, after all, is highly important”

“Yes, yes, education is very important. We really need to be going right now”, the woman said. The Councilman from the beginning shoot him a glance, some kind of urge laid in it? Theo couldn’t really read it. He decided to improvise. 

“Oh no, I suddenly feel so weak!”, he said, bringing his hand up to his head and closing his eyes. “I really hope I don’t faint” Hopefully that was not too much.

“You do look a little pale, my boy”, Dumbledore said and came closer to presumably inspect him.

“Yes, you look quite sick, another reason to leave quickly. Goodbye headmaster, I will definitely come by for tea”, Thelus said. A guard stepped forward, supporting Theo out of the Great Hall.

“Oh no! I feel so weak! Better take me away fast!”


	8. Feeling safe

**Chapter 8 – Feeling Safe**

It was dark, Harry couldn’t even see his own hands let alone the room. No matter how wide he opened his eyes, there was nothing. Just darkness, just the unknown. Even at the Dursleys a little light had shown through the small gabs between steps and the cracks in the door. It was never truly dark. Then, in the Gryffindor dorm room there had been no blinds on the window. The light of the moon was always shining through. Except for a few nights, sure. But he had always known how to turn on the light, where his wand was. Just the reassurance to know that is was possible to turn the light back on in a moments notice, it calmed him.

Now he was in an unknown room, the light switch was too far away, the bed was too big and too comfortable. Harry just couldn’t bring his muscles to relax, he laid stiff as a board in the large bed four persons would have fit into easily. There were pillows everywhere and a large warm blanket was draped over him. It was supposed to make him feel safe, to comfort him. Instead he felt like he was suffocating. Suffocating in pillows and blankets that were too soft, suffocating in the darkness that was so thick no light could make its way through.

Harry was starring at the ceiling, at least he thought it was the ceiling. The day had been so exhausting. Originally it should have been his last day but then he made a leap of faith, he hoped he wouldn’t regret it. He already regretted it, all this commotion and excitement for what? For what really? He was in this supposed safe house on an island in the middle of where exactly? Where was he even? In the kingdom Meneroyl told him about but he hadn’t mentioned an island, did he? To be honest, he had been a little distracted talking to the Alb, maybe the detailed had slipped past him?

The darkness was trying to suffocate him again, not seeing, not being able to know where he was, it was killing him. It was completely quiet as well, the only thing he could hear was his own breathing. Too fast and too shallow. He tried to slow it down but was not very successful. It just simply was out of his control and without his doing his breathing had quickened. He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to feel more soft pillows, pillows with different textures on the covers. Pillows he didn’t even have in the Gryffindor tower, pillows that provided too much luxury. Harry felt like an intruder, like he didn’t deserve this and like he didn’t belong. He didn’t belong here, he didn’t grow up here, hell, he didn’t even know he was an Alb some months ago. What was an Alb even?

Thelus had told him that he would be living with nine other Submissives together. At first, he had been happy, excited to meet them. But then he had met the girls, well not all of them, true but Annyelisa had been enough. She was supposed to show him around. Alone. Then she had shoved him into a bathroom and locked the door.

“You don’t belong here, and you never will”

“You think you are special just because you are a male but you are mistaken. You are just some skinny small boy”

There had been more but this had stuck with him the most. He had fought the tears back, sucked it up, and left the bathroom. He didn’t want to show weakness, especially not to this girl. She had hit min with her poisonous words but why show her how much her words had struck him? Thelus had sensed that something was wrong. He lied; he had lied like he had always lied. It made him feel so guilty. He didn’t deserve to be here. But on the other hand, it had been oddly comforting, he knew how to lie at least. He had always done it.

A healer was supposed to examine him today but first he had been late and then he didn’t show up. Tomorrow someone will come. He didn’t want to, he didn’t want somebody random, a stranger, to come and examine him. What sense did it even make?

With that though he got up and out of bed. He had to fight through several pillows but finally he almost fell from the mattress. It really was a relief. He hit the floor with a loud thump. Frozen in fear someone heard him he stayed completely still. No muscle was moving, he counted down from 30 afraid to breathe too loud. The house stayed quiet, no sounds of someone getting out of bed, no sounds of opening and closing doors. He could breathe again. The Dursleys had taught him what would happen when he woke some body up in the middle of the night.

On all fours he made his way across the room. Slowly he moved forward making sure not to hit anything with his head. He knew what was across the room. It wasn’t that far away when he first saw the room, now it felt like a journey around the world. Shouldn’t it be here, where- he hit his head. Not hard but enough to curse under his breath. He opened the door and crawled into the closed. He felt safe in the tight space and secure. The bed had felt too much into the open. He had felt vulnerable.

His legs were drawn to his chest resting his head and them. The wooden panelling of the closed felt cool and firm on back. Even tough the dark was too thick to see and he felt like he was on the verge of panic, he could relax is stiff muscles. This felt safe, this felt right. His eyes slowly fell shut.

* * *

Annyelisa was a late bloomer, 26 and as a just awoken submissive she was an unaccomplished woman. Her parents had already given up on her ever awakening any directional status at all. They still loved her but more in a disappointing way. Her sister, she had awoken as a submissive when she had been 17. Gernine had always been more beautiful, at her Look for Affinity hundreds of Ablen had shown up to win her hand. Annyelisa had been 14 at that time and had always imagined her experience to be at least the same if not trump her sister’s. Now, 12 years later Gernine had already two children and was almost done with her studies. Her partner, oh when Annyelisa thought of him, she felt the blood rise into her cheeks. Not just her cheeks. Well, her partner was something else, always so mindful and quiet. Tall and handsome, the guard took care of her sister. How badly she wanted to be her.

Even though she stood in her sister’s shadow, she was still beautiful, yes, long dark hair, big doe eyes, she was older than the others, one might think that must be an advantage but it was truly not. In a society where most submissives awake between 18 and 22, 26 was truly old. She could have gone to university or started an apprenticeship, hell, she could have written a poetry book like she always wanted. She did nothing of it, she always thought, this is going to be the year I awake, this is the year I am going to find my mate. She was not the sweet girl anymore she once was. The years of waiting turned her bitter and resentful. This poetry book, she really wanted to write it but all that came to mind know was the thought of withered flowers.

When a loud noise woke her up in the morning, she was not amused. Doors were banged, loud steps in the corridor which connected their rooms. What was this about? Her bed was warm and comfortable, the blankets rapped around her like a cocoon and she really didn’t want to get up. But she was curious, normally the house was quiet, peaceful and all more like an undisturbed lake. Just once she heard doors bang since she had arrived a month ago. It was when the girls had been playing, when the game of hide and seek had gotten out of hand.

With a sigh she got up, stomping her feet heavily on the fluffy pink carpet in front of her bed. She blankets fell from her shoulders revealing her soft skin and the nude lingerie she was wearing. On her way out she grabbed a pink silk nightgown.

She was not the only girl peeking out of her room or even standing in the corridor. Every girl was up expect for Gracie that lazy brad. Nothing could disturb her sleep, she had tried.

“It is the boy”, said a redhead matter-of-factly, “I knew he would be a nuisance, but disturbing the peace of day this early?”, she added clicking her tongue and threw her hair out of her face revealing a pale freckled skin.

“Now is it? I thought I had expressed myself clear enough to him yesterday. Seems like he needs another reminder of his place”, Annyelisa said disapprovingly. The redhead and she exchanged a glance, an understanding and both started laughing.

“It would do you both much better to actually help rather than stand there and bicker like two chickens”, yet another girl said. It was the blond from one over. Annyelisa glanced her up and down, it was the tom-boy. She sneered and turned away. As if, as if she would lift a single finger for that boy.

“If you are so concerned for him why don’t you go yourself? Hm? Hush hush”, she said and the redhead laughed. It was not a joyful laugh or a pleasant one at that. It was short, ragged and piecing. The tom-boy shoot them a last glance and then turned on her heel and walked away. Annyelisa took the retreat as a confession of defeat, as if she had said “you won”, and she raveled in it. But what was it truly, not defeat or shame or any of that. No, sometimes you just don’t argue with idiots.

* * *

Harry was woken up when the doors of the closet where opened and the bright light of the sun tickled his nose. Lazily he opened his eyes and still drowsy he rubbed them to get the sleep out. He had dreamed, it had been something nice, he remembered. For once. He thought that maybe unicorns had been a part of it?

“There you are”, a light voice said and still too sleepy to be seriously scared, Harry looked up. A girl was standing there in front of his closet. Short and thin with a blond bob and a cheeky smile. “You know, everybody was looking for you and you are sitting in a closet, still sleeping”, she continued. In her voice laid no accusations, she didn’t even sound mad, just amused?

“The bed was too big”, Harry mumbled feeling a bit embarrassed. His limbs felt awfully stiff and his neck hurt form the position he had been sleeping in. Unconsciously he started rubbing it. He had slept better than he thought he would.

“Yeah, sure it was. Let’s go, I missed breakfast and I am sure you are hungry as well”, she said and made room for Harry to get out of the cramped space. “You can call me Susam by the way. You are Harry, right?”

As Harry climbed out of the closet he nodded and smiled a little at her. Susam smiled back although more enthusiastically than him. Her smile even though small and timid was lightening up the room and made him feel warm inside.

“Follow me! We first need to let Thelus now that I found you”, she explained and left the room.

She led him through a corridor, down some stairs and then some. When they reached the last step of the last stairs, they stepped into a light flooded corridor leading them to the kitchen. The kitchen was huge, far bigger than the Dursley’s for example. It had large windows letting the morning light through. Judging by the bright light, it had to be around noon. Harry was surprised that he had slept so long and in a closet at that. Normally he was up by the first light. Maybe he had truly been exhausted.

The heart of the kitchen was a kitchen island with wooden bar stools around it. The kitchen cabinets were made out of light wood. It had a friendly atmosphere but also modern, it was a welcoming space, not as much as the Weasley’s kitchen but still. Inviting, it made you want to sit down and sip some tea or coffee in the morning.

“Harry!”, someone exclaimed. Then a breathless sound. Harry turned around, expecting Thelus even though he didn’t know why the man would be to enthusiastic to meet him. It was Theo, standing in the entrance of the kitchen. Light from behind him encircled his form. It looked like his hair was glowing. And his skin, it was shimmering in the light? Was that the right word? He didn’t know, all he saw was the dark purple markings on Theo’s skin were reflecting the light, like his own. Theo was like him! Hwy hadn’t he seen it before?

“What are you doing here?”, was the first thing coming out of his mouth. It was a startled reaction, not what he initially wanted to say, not all the questions laying on the tip of his tongue. Not all the words he wanted to say, not expressing the warm feeling in his stomach or how is headache vanished once he laid eyes on Theo. No. It was not.

“Well that’s a warm welcome, I guess. Especially since I spent all morning looking for you”, Theo said dryly and looked rather deadpanned. But it was obvious he didn’t say it to hurt Harry, it was not an accusation. It was just that, a statement.

At that revelation, he felt embarrassed, his cheeks started to feel hot, he probably looked like a tomato by now. Why did his body always react so weird around the other boy?

“Why where you looking for me?”, he asked, a little quieter than before. Susam caught his attention making tea. When she realized he was looking at him, she smiled. A small smile that revealed dimples on her left cheeks.

“Because you weren’t in your bed this morning. Do you want sugar or mild in your tea?”, she asked nonchalant and started putting spoons and spoons of sugar in one of the cups. “And you, didn’t make you any tea because you won’t be here for any longer, I think”, she continued looking at him and then she raised an eyebrow. Theo shrugged.

“No problem, I am surprised as it is that I am allowed to be here. Thelus seemed to be under the impression I could find you. Susam took that honour from me; where were you anyways?”, he said and looked at Harry intensely. Harry in turn shrank back and thought all of the sudden that he did want tea after all.

“I slept in the closet. I would like some milk in my tea, thanks” the first part was said very quickly. Theo’s eyebrows wandered up. Before he could say anything Susam finished the tea and gave Harry his cup.

“I am going to find Thelus and tell him everything is alright here”, she said and left the kitchen, a cup of tea in one hand and with a slight spring in her steps. Harry looked after her as if his pleading glance could convince her otherwise.

“So, Harry, why would you sleep in a closet?”, Theo asked dangerously low and came closer. He stood right in front of Harry. He felt oddly small and fragile next to him. Normally, he didn’t think of himself as fragile and small, it was more like, normal. He thought he was normal when a little tall since the summer.

“Well, I don’t know”, Harry mumbled and tried to turn away. Theo didn’t let him, his facial express captured him. It was stoic, unmoving but at the same time caring ang angry. Emotionless but not really.

“I know you know, tell me”, the taller boy demanded. This irked Harry, what right did he even had to that information? What would it change?

“Why would you care? It is not your business anyways and I didn’t ask you to look for me!”, Harry exclaimed and took his tea, breaking the magic that had held him in his place. He took a big sip of his tea and almost spit it out again, it was still hot and his tongue was burning. Tears made their way into his eyes and his hand shot up to his mouth. He fought to keep it in, not wanting to spit it at Theo, even though he might want to.

It must have looked ridiculous really, him fighting to keep some tea in and Theo not quite sure what was going on. Dancing around him, hitting his back gently a few times because he thought Harry was choking on the tea. In the end, Harry managed to get to the sink and spit the tea.

“You know, if you didn’t want to answer me, you didn’t have to choke on tea. But just know this, I will find out eventually. If not now, later”, Theo said seriously while handing Harry a napkin. The other boy was finally able to swallow the mouthful of tea without choking. Why did this always have to happen in the worse possible moments?

“Well, then I prefer later”, Harry answered while trying to go easy on his burned tongue. The result was a rather funny and lisp-y sounding reply. Trying to ignore his temporary speech-impediment, he continued “why are you here anyways, weren’t you at Hogwarts the last time I checked”, he asked looking up to Theo.

“The last time I checked, you where at Hogwarts as well”, Theo shot back right away but took a little of more time to continue. He leaned against the kitchen island, resting his behind on the surface. “Thelus was rather convincing I must say”

Thelus, the man answering his letters, Thelus who had had apparently funny ideas to get people out of castles. Thelus who had been looking for him the whole morning. Thelus who he had never meet. The napkin in his hand was crumpled between his fingers.

“Thelus, who is he?”, Harry asked innocently now sipping more carefully on the tea. His tongue was still burning and felt hot even though he was still drinking the tea. Maybe he should just stop.

“I can answer you that, Harry”, someone said who definitely not Theo. Harry was looked up turning to the kitchen entrances again. There was who he presumed to be Thelus. A tall blond man with weirdly purple tattoos. Harry was ready to choke on his tea again. Well, he might just do that.

On the sight of the tall stranger, Harry breathed in his tea and started coughing. Theo was carefully padding his back again and took the cup out of his hands and out of his reach. His hands were clawed around the wood of the island and his knuckles were already white and his fingertips burning. The napkin fell to the floor.

The stranger was quiet, observing and careful. Harry could feel how he stepped closer but he wasn’t able to react or do anything about it. All he could do for a minute or two was coughing his lungs out. But then, after what seemed like an eternity, his coughing spell got weaker and quieter.

“If you are up to it, I’ll make breakfast and I’ll tell you what will happen today. I mean, if you want to”, then Thelus quickly glanced to Theo. “I will need to talk to you first though”, he added. Harry picked up the atmosphere between them quickly. A goodbye, but a friendly goodbye. But still, goodbye.

Suddenly, a feeling of dread overcome him, a feeling telling him to not let go of Theo. Theo, the Slytherin who had annoyed him the past couple of months and was suppose to be his enemy but also Theo who had comforted him and had been there. Just been there when he needed him. Spontaneously he just jumped forwards and wrapped his skinny arms around the taller boy. He holds on to him like he was the light tower on a cliff or the rock in the tides.

The first thing he noticed about Theo was his smell, vetiver and citrusy. Warm and even, a calming breath and strong arms that instinctively encircle that smaller teen as well. He felt safe, he felt secure.

“I guess I have to talk to both of you then”, Thelus sighed and gestured for them to follow him.

* * *

**Note: **I like how all of them have weird and odd names. Annyelisa was suppose to be Annelise but that was too ordinary for me haha


	9. Lost

**Chapter 9**

“I don’t get it”, she said while looking out of the window. “Why does he get the extra treatment? Why is he special?”

The red haired next to Annyelisa shrugged. Her gaze was also directed out of the window. A red lock was falling into her face, some hairs were stuck in her mouth. It didn’t seem to bother her. It was just the two girls sitting on the window sill relaxing and looking outside. 

“I don’t get why the council guy is here. Aren’t all Dominates forbidden from the island? And this dark haired dude, what is up with this guy?”, she said, still fixating on the figures outside. Her eyes were almost dissecting them, following their every move.

“I don’t get it. If anything, it should be me. I should be the one the Dominates fight about, fight for”, Annyelisa turned her head away because she couldn’t stand it anymore. She felt conflicted, jealous and oddly hurt. Her lips were pinched together, leaving no room for any more words to escape. To shift her attention for the emptiness inside, she focused on Madelaine who was sitting across from her.

The knife called jealousy stabbed her heart and turned and twisted until she had only bitter thoughts for her left over. Madelaine’s red hair was almost glowing in the sun, shining not only red but also golden. Her face was adored with freckles, blue eyes and pink lips. She had a delicate face that could charm almost anyone. She reminded her of her sister. The cute pretty smiles that distracted from the ugliness inside.

What would happen if she just shoved her out of the window?

Would she die?

They all had wings, god dammit.

“I think we will find out soon enough. Until then, well we know where his room is, don’t we?”, Madelaine said, finally turning her eyes to Annyelisa. She smiled, but it looked more like a smirk showing her perfectly white teeth. Annyelisa quickly shoved her ice cold feelings to the back of her mind, there was no time for this right now. She could think about it tonight. She could bathe in the self-pity and would long for a little warmth.

“You are right. Wouldn’t it be a shame if something happened?”, she asked feeling more alive. Now she, too, smiled.

“Truly a shame”

* * *

Harry thought someone was watching him but when he turned around, there was no one there. Strange, he thought and adverted his attention back to Thelus. It was hard to ignore the other warm body next to him. It was hard to not pay any attention to Theo next to him. It was hard not to grab Theo’s hand. It was hard not to wonder what Theo was thinking right now. Because Theo was all what was on his mind.

Theo. Such a simple gesture to refer to him by his nickname but it took so much out of Harry. It took so much to admit that Theo was maybe not half bad.

“First I want to say that you did the right thing writing the letter, to reach out for help. It may have saved your life. And I am glad we could save you”, Thelus said looking sincerely. He had such kind eyes, Harry thought. That thought made him smile a little.

“This island, it is for the unmated Submissives, thus it is supposed to be a safe haven. Unmated Dominants such as myself and Theo are not allowed here. An exception was made for you to help you adjust better as your situation is”, he paused for a second, “delicate”, he ended.

The man paused again for a second letting Harry process the information. A gust of wind came up carrying the smell of sweet flowers and grass with it. Harry nodded to show that he heard what Thelus was saying and to acknowledge the words.

Harry breathed in deeply. Yesterday he didn’t think he would be able to ever breathe in again. But today he did and he didn’t regret it, not yet anyways. He glanced to his left where Theo was walking. He had his eyes looked for a second seemingly enjoying the moment. Then Theo opened his eyes revealing something that almost looked purple. It was such a strange colour, why hadn’t he noticed it before? His eyes where almost capturing him. Weird, Harry had never thought of someone’s eyes as “capturing”. Wasn’t that a little cliché?

When he noticed Harry’s glance, he smiled. It was such a content blissful smile. It filled him up to the rim and he couldn’t get enough of it. It made him feel warm, made his blood rush hot through his body and confused his thoughts. He smiled a little and quickly looked away. Why was he so shy all of the sudden? Why was he feeling like this? It was so different from what he felt with Cho or Ginny.

“I am sorry but this exception is just for today”, Thelus continued. Harry caught his eyes and saw true regret and all warm feelings drained out of him leaving behind a cold dark cave. Just for today? But what about tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after the day after tomorrow? Did they think about that?

“But why? I don’t want to be alone or even here anyways. Why can’t I go with you two?”, Harry asked. “Who gets to decide that I have to stay here, that you cannot stay here?”. He felt angry, frustrated. “I mean, what’s the difference?”

“Harry, please calm down. It is just, imagine if any Dominate could come on this island, nobody would be safe here. Don’t look at me like this, you wouldn’t be safe as well. Especially because you are already emitting the Call”, he explained in a calm voice. It almost worked and calmed Harry down as well. The punctuation is on almost.

“You are always using words ominous like this! The Call, the island, the kingdom, Alb. What is all this? Why isn’t anyone telling my anything? I am not stupid, I am not fragile, and I can take it. Just tell me already”, the word erupted out of Harry like vomit. A word vomit he couldn’t keep from coming out of his mouth. He didn’t regret saying them, he finally wanted to know what was going on.

“I can imagine, it probably really confusing being thrown into this different world. It is not easy” he paused yet again “let me try to answer some of you questions, starting with the most urgent one. Alben are very different creatures. They get confused for Faes very often due to the wings. Sometimes humans think we are elven but in truth Alben are neither. We have wings, we have marks on our skin, we are graceful but our abilities are very different. Ablen are categorized by their ability, I am a Sunlight-Alb. Theo over there is a Sloe-Alb.”

“And what am I?”, Harry asked curiously satisfied that someone is finally answering his questions.

“Truthfully, we don’t know yet. That is partially due to the Sheen. You are a newly awoken Alb in special circumstances as well. To protect yourself, you have developed an illusion around yourself to protect yourself. It was necessary to hide from predators and other species. In former times it insured survival. The Call you are emitting is to let Dominates know that there is a Submissive in need of protection. They would have battled for you, taken you as their own and protected you. But that is in former times, today we are a little more civilized”, Thelus answered and laughed a little in the end. His laughter died away slowly.

“I mean, this makes sense”, Harry said thinking about that guy who fished him out of the lake. He had almost forgot about him. A cold shiver run down his back and he couldn’t supress a physical reaction.

“What is it?”, Theo asked alarmed. His and Harry’s glance met and Harry looked down. He honestly didn’t want to talk about it. “Did something happen?”

“No, it is nothing”, Harry insisted and tried to not look at Theo or Thelus. Why are they always so hypervigilant, it was almost creepy? Suddenly he noticed how beautiful the garden really was. The flowers seemed so vibrant. Interesting. Was it already time for them to bloom?

“Harry, it is important you tell me if anything happened”, the one on his right said. But he could feel that Theo was also listening very intensely. It angered him and made him furious. They treated him like he was a little child.

“Nothing happened Thelus! What am I supposed to say? Live was hell, I wanted to die, something pulled me into the lake and some random guy pulled me out again and then disappeared into a shadow. It was nothing, really”, Harry shouted in a sudden burst of rage that quickly disappeared. Oh no, what did he say? Why did he say all that, why could he just keep his mouth shut?

Harry quickened his pace trying to leave the embarrassment behind him. It had been a fault telling them about it. They would worry, in the end they would probably lock him into a tower. But he was not a princess, luckily.

Someone caught his hand, yanking him back. Then someone took his other hand. Electricity was coursing through his body starting from the skin they were touching. He stopped and looked back, mute, and too embarrassed to say anything.

“Harry, he disappeared through the shadows you say?”, Thelus asked looking at him with his piercing eyes. His hand was warm and was only holding on rather loosely.

“This is really important, please be truthful”, Theo continued. Wow this was really weird. Theo’s hand tightened around his own and was warming his skin. His grip was stronger and it gave him something resembling stability.

“Yes, he did. He did the weird ear thing with me as well. The same Meneroyl did”, he said not sure if this was what they wanted to hear. But he knew know what that was about.

“I see, thank you for entrusting this information to us”, Thelus said and sounded thoughtful. He smiled nonetheless when he felt Harry’s glance on him. Theo on the other hand, he looked angry, enraged and dangerous. His marks were pulsing. Harry has never seen anything alike.

Thelus let his hand go now that he had the answer he was looking for. Theo, on the other hand, he was holding on to him. Theo’s fingertips were burning holes into the back on his hand. Should it be uncomfortable? Maybe, yes, but it was actually the opposite. Harry was standing still now, just focusing on breathing in and out and blending all his surroundings out.

They just stood like that. It must have been awkward to look at but Harry didn’t care for a second. A thought coursed through his mind. All this talk about Dominants and Submissives, it made him nervous. Was it all that was too it? All it meant to be an Alb?

“What is going to happen to me? Am I forced to”, Harry had to stop upon that thought. He swallowed his spit. It tasted oddly bitter and metallic. “Am I forced to- to mate?”, he asked very quiet. The others heard him nonetheless. This damn hypervigilance again.

Suddenly there was going a jerk through his whole body. Theo was pulling on his hand and was pulling him towards him. The two where now facing each other. The taller one was searching for his gaze and when he found it, he held onto it. His eyes were searching for something in Harry’s. Harry wasn’t sure if he found it.

“I won’t allow it. Harry, I will fight for you. I am going to make sure that you won’t be forced to do anything you aren’t ready for”, Theo said with all his heart. The word were coming from within, from his very being and Harry felt them resonating within him.

“Harry, Theodor, you are both very young and inexperienced”, Theo said and laughed, oddly enough. “I don’t know what kind of expectations or ideas you have of the Alben community but I assure you, Harry won’t be forced to do anything he doesn’t want to. And Harry, mating is nothing to be afraid of! I am in fact fairly certain that you are forming a bond with Theodor right now and thus you are mating. Mating is about the relationship between two individuals, it is not about physical interaction or anything. A mating bond can be anything you want it to be”, Thelus explained in a kind tone and not just Harry but also Theo were listening.

“Haha, okay, I am really relieved”, Harry said and laughed a little embarrassed and released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He let go of Theo’s hand. But then the entirety of Thelus’ words reached his brain.

“Wait a second, me? Mating? To Theo? That is a good one”, Harry said in a panicked tone of voice. He looked first at Thelus and then at Theo. And then back again. He didn’t know it he imagined it but Theo looked a little hurt.

“Oh, am I that, a joke to you?”, Theo said calmly and simply looked at Harry. “Then, may I ask the question, why wouldn’t you let go of me earlier? Was that a joke as well?”

Harry swallowed. His mouth was suddenly very dry. He met his eyes and instantly regretted his words from earlier. Why was he like this again?

“Eh, no, of course you are not a joke to me. Although you can be pretty funny. I mean, this is just so frustrating”, he answered while getting louder in the end. This was just so confusing, so much was happening at the same time. He wasn’t even sure he was into guys and Thelus just proclaimed he was forming a mating bond with Theodor Nott? A Slytherin at that? This is just crazy. Utterly crazy and angering.

First this guy just basically declares his love to him and then gets offended when harry doesn’t immediately confesses his love as well? Wow.

“You know what, don’t say anything. I had enough. I am glad I don’t have to see you again. Just return from where you came. I am leaving now”, Harry spit out and wanted to turn on his heel but there was just the house in that direction. In a split second he decided to just run straight ahead. To just run away from Thelus and Theo. He didn’t see their reaction and he frankly didn’t care about it.

His legs were carrying him away from the garden and past all the blooming flowers. It was a graveled path which lead him into a little forest. He couldn’t hear any steps behind him, they were leaving him alone. Good. He needed some time for himself, some time to think.

What had he gotten himself into? This island, these people. It was all so strange. Did he regret taking Meneroyl’s hand and letting himself be kidnapped? Maybe a little, perhaps a lot. Him, mating Theodor Nott? Ha! Everyone in Hogwarts would love at that, Snape would probably drown the person who said it in a potion. And Nott was surprised he thought it to be a joke? This guy is crazy.

In his rage he didn’t care where he was going.

That was how he went missing twice in a day. Is this a record? If not, it should be.

* * *

Lorryan stepped out of the water and onto the island’s beach. The view always amazed him, clear blue water and red sand. Behind the beach on the sand dune, tall marram grass was growing. It was not the first time he had visited but it was certainly the first time he saw a patient like this.

He was kidnapped as a baby, they said. How else was he supposed to be an Alb? Both parents had to be of Alben-blood to conceive an Alb. Lorryan wasn’t entirely sure still, he hadn’t meet the boy yet.

He arrived yesterday, they said. Malnourished and battered. That is why he was here, to heal the boy and make sure that there were no underlying issues.

Lorryan hadn’t meet the boy yet, yet he felt a little pity and some kind of sympathy towards him. It must be strange, to think your whole life to be human just to be proven wrong and thrown into a complete different world. To leave everything behind, Lorryan wasn’t certain if the boy knew what he had given up.

The first male Submissive in years, they said. With piercing green eyes and black hair. His name is Harry Potter, they said. Lorryan nodded to himself and made his way away from the ocean he just stepped out off and towards the house.

To see his patient.

* * *

The only one missing was Professor McGonagall. It was unusual as she was Deputy Headmistress and thus usually present at every conference of the professors. Dumbledore closed his eyes briefly to help redirect his thoughts and attention to Mr. Filch. He was standing at the table, arm flaying.

“…And therefore we should reintroduce torture as a suitable punishment for student”, he ended and looked pointedly at the headmaster. Albus nodded in his direction and supressed the urge to sight. Argus surely meant well but torture? Then the Marauders and then the Weasley-Twins popped up in his mind and he shuddered. Maybe he should really think about it again, torture didn’t seem all that bad anymore. He quickly supressed any negative connotation the came with thinking about the Marauders. 

Mr. Filch sat down again looking content with himself. Mrs. Norris promptly jumped onto his lap and started purring. He started to pet he tenderly.

“Thank you Argus for this engaging speech. Now, Poppy, you said you had news about Mrs. Brown?”, Dumbledore said with his grandfatherly voice and nodded at Mrs. Pomfrey. She stood up with a grave expression. Her brows were knitted together while her lips formed a thin straight line.

“Indeed I do, thank you headmaster. Mrs. Brown’s state has worsened and she is still not able to eat any kind of food. She is only skin and bones, really. I am afraid I will have to refer her to St. Mungo’s. Maybe they are able to help her. Thank you”, she said and sat down again.

That poor girl, nobody knew what happened to her. After she passed out in class after not eating for a week, she was brought to the hospital wing and has been there ever since. Surely it is the right decision to refer her to St. Mungo’s where there are more competent healers.

“Now, Mr. Snape, you had something to…”, the sentence ended abruptly when the door to the conference room opened. Professor McGonagall entered, the door smacking against the stone wall. Her hair was out of place, a few stray stands of it hung in her face and the glasses were a little crooked on her nose.

“Albus, we need to talk”, she said ignoring all the stray glanced in her direction. Her tone was serious and implicated a larger issue at hand. Dumbledore nodded and got up. His lavender robes swayed peacefully behind him. Quickly, he threw a lemon drop into his mouth and sucked at it. Then he left the room with his deputy.

“Harry Potter is missing”, Minerva said. Dumbledore blinked, then he blinked again. Maybe he did needed that hearing aid.

“What do you mean, Harry Potter is missing?”, he asked and looked at his colleague over his half-moon glasses. His mouth turned dry.

“He didn’t return to the dorms last night and he wasn’t present for breakfast nor lunch. Albus, I think this might be serious. Mrs. Granger and Mr. Weasly alerted me”, she clarified worryingly and intertwined her fingers. This was not typical for Minerva, he thought. She looked to nervous.

“We have to look for him, immediately. We will inform the others teachers and then we search the school grounds”, he said and nodded. The news didn’t register completely in his brain yet. Harry Potter missing? How was that even possible? Where would the boy go? He needed to check his office, he had an instrument that was connected to the boy’s magic.

This was not so bad, yes, he had the instrument. The boy couldn’t have disappeared into thin air, the earth couldn’t have swallowed him whole, so there must be a trace of some sort.

“But Albus, don’t you think it is suspicious that Harry went missing the day those… those creatures arrived?”, Professor McGonagall said. “Think about it, Ablus. Since you have let them into Hogwarts yesterday evening, he is gone. At least if we believe Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Granger”

“What if Mr. Potter has been kidnapped by these creatures? What if they have left the school premises? What change do we stand to find him then?”, she continues getting a little louder in the end.

“You are right Minerva. You are right. Let me think about this, I will return to my office. You inform the other teachers and start searching. Also, no word gets out, am I clear?”, he demanded and looked directly into her eyes.

Probing her mental shields he felt that she understood him and wanted to sincerely follow his instructions. Good.

“Go now”


	10. Euphoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support I have gotten for the story, it really helped. I did not feel very motivated in these difficult times. My days where so short even though I almost did nothing. Now it is going a lot better for me than in the beginning in April. 
> 
> I hope you are all safe and healthy. Enjoy this chapter, it is sadly far too short.

**Chapter 10 -Euphoria**

He thought it was strange that the safe house had a special room just for doctor’s appointments. Do people get sick that often here or were there just that cautious? Harry wasn’t entirely sure.

“Hello Harry, I am Lorryan of the western Kingdom. I am just here to look you over, is that alright with you?”, the stranger, Lorryan, asked him. He was blond and tall with deep blue markings and even some on his forehead. It looked like a little crown. Weirdly cute and disturbing on his otherwise rough and boyish appearance. He was handsome, Harry had to admit.

“I guess, but like I said, I feel totally fine”, Harry insisted but not forcefully so. He tried not to meet the other man’s eyes. Tiredness was clouding his mind, the adrenaline was slowly leaving his body and he was just feeling an exhaustion which went deeper than bones and blood.

“Great, then I hope this will be over fast”, Lorryan exclaimed smiling. He had a wide smile which lit up his whole face and made his blue eyes glow. His eyes wrinkled up and it seemed like he really meant it. He sat down on a chair with wheels and casually rolled over to Harry. The wheels were squeaking uncomfortably in Harry’s ears. The chair just kept rolling until he was directly in front of Harry.

He must know that Harry was lying. He must have seen the purple bags underneath his eyes, the pale skin and cracked lips. His skinny arms as well as the baggy jeans just seemed obvious. Nevertheless Lorryan didn’t say anything, he just smiled, played along. Why?

Lorryan had a distinct smell, like seaweed and salt, like rain and water, like wet sand and fish. It hit Harry like a wave and he couldn’t get enough. He breathed in deeply, very deeply. His eyes closed on their own.

Fish swimming through currents, seaweed slowly moving with the water, salt drying on skin, sun bleaching hair. Rain hitting the water, waves as high as buildings hitting the shore, shells shimmering on the beach’s sand, fish jumping out of the water and landing in it again.

“I am glad I don’t stink, I forgot to shower this morning” Lorryan’s voice was warm, a little laugh laid within it making Harry’s heart jump and then beat twice as fast. Getting called out this nonchalant and charming at the same time, huch.

Harry’s eyes flied open and all blood rushed into his cheeks. The moment of peace and longing was broken. He breathed out and let the breath go he had so thoroughly enjoyed. It left him feeling emptier than he did before.

“Me too”, Harry said instead and grinned sheepishly. It was true but not really what he wanted to say before. His real words seemed to be stuck in the back of his throat, on the roof of his mouth and on the tip of his tongue. The grin was slipping off his face.

How embarrassing.

“Well, you don’t stink either”, Lorryan answered, winked and laughed. His whole face wrinkled up and Harry could see his straight teeth. Almost straight, the left front tooth was laying a little over the right. It gave him a mischievous look.

“Why thank you”, Harry said and he too, grinned. It was like his body was forcing him too, the laugh was just so contagious. He even meant it a little, at least. The red colour was leaving his cheeks again as well leaving him as pale as before.

“Are you ready to begin? Can you please give me your hand?”, Lorryan asked seriously all of the sudden but still smiling. On instinct Harry hugged his hands close.

“Why?”, Harry hated how childish he sounded. God damn, he was an adult. Why was he feeling so little and insecure now?

“So I can use my magic to check you over”, the doctor answered. “It is not going to hurt”

He left something out, he was not mentioning something, Harry was sure of it.

For a second the thought was levitating in Harry’s head, being probed from all angles. It was a little weird but what could go wrong? What did he really have to lose? Nothing that was the only answer.

Nothing mattered to him anymore so he shrugged his shoulders and extended his left hand, the one that was closed to Lorryan. It trembled a little in the air, out of nervousness?

Lorryan’s hand was warm and rough and far bigger than his own. His hand was just resting on top, his fingers limb and cold. Harry wanted to close his eyes just for the sole purpose to not having to look at Lorryan. But before he did, he really looked at the man sitting in front of him. 

Lorryan had a look of concentration on his face, the nose wrinkled up slightly and the brows knitted together. His skin was sun kissed and small freckles were adoring it. Suddenly, his markings lit up. Like a snake curling around his body, one after another the tattoo-like drawings began to glow. Dark blue light was tinting the room. And then Harry felt it. It hit him nothing else ever could.

Euphoria was cursing through his veins in lightning speed. Starting from his hand, this hot exciting feeling was making its way towards his heart and from there through his whole body. His eyes rolled back and he groaned. His body wanted to tilt backwards but then suddenly Lorryan gripped his hand tight and the euphoria intensified. He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t possibly take more. His body was filled with burning traces, his blood was going to explode out of his veins and arteries, spilling on the floor and tinting it angry red. He was sure of it. Any longer and he was going to lose himself, he was going to be gone, gone with the wind, with the light and gone with whatever this was.

He had never taken any drugs, never in his whole life. This must be what drugs felt like. Suddenly, his hand was released and his body just collapsed onto the table. His eyes half closed, his hands shaky and his heart racing yet again. He could just breathe for a few seconds. Breathe. Exist. Not panic, stay calm.

“What was that?”, he managed to ask, his voice hoarse and strange sounding even to his own ears. Lorryan looked up, eyeing him with this piercing eyes. He sighed as if the weight of the world was resting on his mind.

“This was magic, my magic to be exact. I was examining your wellbeing. The thing is, everybody reacts differently to it, some people do not feel it at all, some can feel it a little and rarely there are people who have a reaction like you just did”, the ghost of a smile was tucking on his lips “you know, I felt an echo of what you just did and I must say, this was the strongest reaction I ever witnessed in someone”

“Magic? It felt more like someone gave me a shot of heroin or something”, Harry joked lamely and laughed hollowly. He had regained enough strength to sit up and to run his hand through his hair. His whole body was tingling, resonating the traces of the magic. Just the shadow of what had happened felt amazing.

“Some magic can feel addicting, I should have warned you. I am sorry”, Lorryan said but Harry waved it aside. Even with a warning he wouldn’t have been ready for this. Nobody would have been especially not him.

He wanted to feel it again. He needed to feel it again. Pure life had been cursing through his veins, in a way it had made him more alive as well. The euphoria, the happiness he had felt, it had been truly magical, it had been addicting. Just once, this one time, what can one time hurt him?

“Snap out of it”, a voice from far away commanded him. His body was shaken, his arms flopping around like a puppet’s limbs.

Snap out of what? Snap out of this fantasy? He just wanted to hold on to this feeling as long as possible. There was nothing wrong with that. Wasn’t Lorryan the one who made him feel like this? Wasn’t it him who made the magic flow through his veins and lighten then up?

A bang, a pain. His head snapping to the side and back again.

“Ouch, are you crazy? What was that for?”, Harry said angrily, his hand shooting up to his cheek. His eyes focused again and he saw different emotions flashing over Lorryan’s face. Concern, anger, worry and then anger again. Directed at him or at the man himself? Possibly both, maybe just one of the two.

“You lost yourself. I didn’t think…”, he had to stop, then sigh and then look away. “…I didn’t think you would react like this! I was just doing a simple diagnostic and you”, he had to stop again.

Harry was a freak, even as an Alb, he was a fucking freak. He was not normal, hell he got high from someone else’s magic, and he didn’t even know this was possible. Why couldn’t he just be normal for a fucking minute?

“…you just slurped that magic up like it was a slushy”, Lorryan continued, obviously not reading the situation and oblivious to the reaction his words got.

“So I am abnormal even in Alben-standards”, Harry resigned. His fingers were curling around the soft fabric of his pants, wrinkling them in the process.

“What? Oh no, no, don’t think that!”

“But didn’t you just say that?”, Harry countered feeling strangely hurt. They said they would care for him, now they won’t anymore. Now they would kick him out. Hell, he would even kick himself out.

“No that is not what I meant to say at all. It just means that your magic is so overused and exhausted from keeping you alive that it took the little bit I used in you. That is all, totally normal for anyone in your situation”, Lorryan explained, confused, shocked and a little sad.

“Oh, okay. But why did it feel so... good?”, Harry dared to ask, not meeting his eyes.

“Harry, look at me”, Lorryan said and touched his leg lightly. A whisper of a touch, a brief passing.

Harry looked up and was greeted by the same dark blue eyes. They were searching his, wandering from left to right and left again. Stopping only briefly and intensifying the glance. He didn’t know what they were looking for or if they found what they were searching but he was almost hypnotised.

“There are multiple possibilities and none of them are that you are abnormal, understood?”

Harry nodded not daring to look away.

“First, Alben-magic is very potent, this was your first contact with it, right? It could be that this encounter was just so overwhelming for your body and thus amplifying your experience. Second, your magic was so starved that it leeched onto the little bit I used like a lifesaver. And third, it might be that our magical signature is just compatible”, he listed, hesitating a little before finally spitting out the last reason.

“Okay, so this means I am not abnormal” Lorryan nodded. “I am sick instead?” Lorryan nodded, interrupted himself while his eyes opened wide.

“What? No, no. Not sick, maybe not in top form, not in peak condition but… okay you are sick. But it is actually pretty easy to fix”, he confessed and grinned sheepishly.

Harry looked at him a little doubtful as if he was saying “alright, go ahead and say it then”

“You just need to eat”

“No, I can’t”, Harry answered almost instantly. His arms hugged his stomach which was painfully empty. His eyes squeezed shut, what you can’t see, can’t hurt you. What a fucking lie but somehow it helped him.

“Look at me, Harry. I believe you can, I truly do”, Lorryan said reassuringly. His voice deep and had a serious tone to it. When Harry opened his eyes, he saw Lorryan looking at him.

Strangely, these simple words, they made him feel warm and wanted.

He felt like he should try. Like he mattered to someone.

* * *

The room was like he had left it behind, a little messy. After this exhausting day Harry just wanted to sleep and forget. His chest was feeling tight and his heart crumbled and fell into itself. Even though he felt like he wanted to cry, he didn’t. His body was feeling too exhausted, too weak and too tired. Tomorrow maybe. Yeah, tomorrow sounded great.

Unsure he stepped closer to the bed. He should probably sleep in it tonight, he didn’t want to worry anyone. It was just a bed, a big comfy bed for heaven’s sake. What is going to happen, it is not going to bite him. The pillows did look inviting, he should just suck it up and sleep in it like any other normal human being. Oh, that doesn’t work anymore, like any other Alben being?

He grasped the edges of the blanket. The fabric was feeling soft and smooth underneath his touch. With a swift movement he pulled the blanket away to reveal something he definitely didn’t expect.

“What the hell, what are you two doing here?”, he exclaimed, shocked, surprised and a little amused. Two snaked were glancing back at him, eyes big and head leaning a little to the side as if they were trying to understand him.

~Two girlsss placcced usss here~ one of the snakes said.

~They took usss from our home~ the other one added.

~But you have a very niccce bed, very warm and ssso sssoft~ the first one said again.

~He doesssn’t underssstand usss anywaysss. Don’t bother, Bob~ the second one said.

~But what if he doesss, what then, Greg, hm? I don’t want him to think we are rude~

~Thanksss I guesss. Ssso do you want to ssstay or do you want me to sssent you home?~ Harry answered because he was not sure what else to say. Snakes didn’t scare him, he liked them actually. Most of them had a weird sense of humor, very amusing.

~He underssstandsss usss, what did I tell you, Greg? HA! Sssuck my…~

~Okay okay, jussst thisss one time, you win~

Harry looked at them feeling a little left out. He looked from one and to the other again, not fully able to follow their bickering. Then he decided to just give up and shower. It was pretty nice to have an own bathroom.

The warm water of the shower relaxed his tense shoulders. What a day. He couldn’t bring up the strength to really think about it and go everything through. Tomorrow. Instead, he washed his body and hair. His legs were so skinny and his arms. There was barley any flesh on him. It fascinated and disgusted him at the same time. He really did need to eat. Lorryan was right. And dinner hadn’t been that bad. He just hated the feeling of nausea.

Eating dinner with Lorryan had been great actually. He had been funny, charming even. And the fruit, he forgot what the other man had called it, tasted good. It had been such a different experience than he had had the last few months.

After drying himself, he found himself lying in bed, a snake on each side.

~Good night Bob, I am sssorry what I sssaid earlier~

~It’sss okay, Greg, I forgive you. Good night Greg and giant human~

~Good night Bob, good night Greg, sleep tight~ Harry said and had to smile when he thought about the absurdity of it all.

* * *

Dumbledore was leaning back in his huge chair, eyes closed and slowly sucking on a lemon drop. The glasses were already threatening to slip of his nose. His red robes hung around him like a blanket. The tea on the desk was already getting cold. He didn’t care, he ignored it all, and instead he just thought.

What went wrong? Why was Harry missing? Had he himself caused this?

No, everything seemed to pass as he had planned it. Except when he went on the cave where he had expected a Horcrux to be. He had thought the boy had drowned, he had thought the boy was gone. Hours he had searched for him and the water just to return to Hogwarts empty handed and devastated.

Robes wet and angry with himself he had met Snape. Snape was supposed to tell him, help him cover it up. Cover up the dead of Harry Potter. Just, in the end Harry had not been dead. Harry had survived, how? He didn’t know, just that he did and he had been so relieved.

Now, he was missing again but this time Dumbledore didn’t take him on a mission, he didn’t take him on an adventure. No, nothing happened. Except that was not true, the Alben came, that wanted to save one of their own. McGonagall was right, he thought. Isn’t the timing suspicious? Additionally, since when did Alben-children go to magical schools or any school apart from their own? Aren’t they secretive and rarely seen nowadays?

They took Theodore Nott with them but something seemed odd about the procedure. Mr. Nott didn’t appear to be helpless, vulnerable, no. The Slytherin always held himself with pride, head held high, and a smile which spoke of superiority.

Something wasn’t adding up. Why would the Alben take Harry with them? Why did the boy have they needed?

A loud knock shook him awake and his glasses fell from the tip of his nose. The lemon drop almost got stuck in the back of his throat. He coughed and the lemon drop shoot out and fell onto his desk.

“Ah Minerva, I hope you have good news?”, he asked when he saw who had entered his office. With his right hand he let the bonbon vanish in hopes his colleague didn’t notice.

“I am afraid no, Albus. The whereabouts of Mr. Potter were not discovered. And I just met Poppy, she told me that Severus is not feeling well. In fact, it appears that he has lost his sight”, Minerva said and sighed. She looked old, older than usual. The wrinkled on her face seemed to be deeper and casted darker shadows, her skin, so pale as if she was sick.

Albus got up, the chair scraping over the wooden floor painfully. He put his glasses back on and corrected their position.

“Lead the way, Minerva”

* * *

“Have you seen Harry, Ron”, Hermione asked looking straight at the boy.

Ron was sitting right across from her at the other side of the long table. He was eating chicken and mashed potatoes and some kind of vegetable and more Hermione couldn’t really figure out.

“Why would I care”, Ron answered between bites while spitting a little of the chicken at Hermione. Disgusted, the girl scooted over a little to get out of the light path of Ron’s spit.

“Uh, I don’t know… because he is you best friend?”, Hermione said and rolled her eyes. Boys, always so stubborn.

She took a bite out of her salad as well. Good as always, but this was Hogwarts, what did she expected anyways?

The great hall looked a little different today. Many teachers were missing and Hermione didn’t know what they were doing. Even Dumbledore and McGonagall were missing, it was strange.

“Not anymore, not since he dropped Quidditch”

“So you haven’t seen him?”, Hermione confirmed. She was feeling a little uneasy. So nobody she had asked had seen Harry for two days now. This was not right, something was going on. She had a bad feeling.

“No, I already told you, Hermione”, he said while forcefully shoving more food into his mouth. More spit was flying around and hitting other students than just Hermione.

“I am just a little worried. You know, after what happened with Lavender”, she whispered.

“Don’t worry so much, enjoy the food”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to tell me if you think it is worth it continuing or just how you like the story
> 
> Also: If you see a character that you really like/ you want Harry to get together with, chance are that it is not too late. You just need to tell me
> 
> I am now searching for a beta, if you are intrested, please write me :)


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